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hehehe good to know good to know.... =p

 
mixed up fairy tale #1:
the saddened lass asked,

"good morrow gentle fairy i come to you with a conundrum. you once told me to turn to my friends when in time of need. but what good of it when my friends are the conundrum???"

the fairy replied...

"...find new friends...& leave all those who have caused you pain. for if they caused you all this pain are they really your friends???"

the sad lass looked at the fairy and smiled...

"no"

"correct. don't be boggled by happy memories, for they are only a farce. when you needed their help, their friendship, what happened? you were left to fend for yourself. why put up with idiot morons who can't see the obvious."

the fairy kissed the sad lass on the forehead and wiped the tear on her cheek.

"no good can come from exploring a loss cause. leave it and find new friendship in those who won't brush you aside. the trick is finding those friends. who knows you might already have them..."

the fairy flew away and the lass was no longer sad because she finally understood that some people do not have to be in your life. even if there were good times, do they out they outweigh the bad? if not...then the fairy would tell you to leave.

and so the lass leaves...no longer sad, just a little bit wiser.

the end

 
sometimes being aware of what you feel isn't all that its cracked up to be.

my dumb luck i guess to find myself getting to know people who always seem to commit the lie of omission to me.

 
miracles do happen

prime example: i cleaned my room.

for those of you who know me...my room is alway in compelte and utter chaos. so if you want to see the tremendous feat of a clean room inhabited by elaine i suggest you stop by soon, because who knows how long this madness will last!!!

 
the verdict is in...i'm not gonna call. it was a flight of fancy, but hey i needed the excitement of a fun harmless crush. i'm really bored with the fact that i dont have anyone to play with really. i'm not gonna go in search of playmates...and that is in the sense of how when we are children and we have playmates, no in the playboy connotation.... if they come, they come...if not...i'm left with the homies that i have now. and that''s fine.

the quiet before the storm maybe? who knows? i'm just gonna enjoy it with my music, friends, smokes, and alcohol.

=============================================

bee: i'm already over your old boy..i'll talk story with you later
jenny: i'm over the boy, wish our emo/ hip hop dj was there
nic: we need to have another talk story session again
mikey: we talk story too much, but its FUN times...notice i said fun times, NOT good times heh
jen: do what you want and what you will
ivy: perhaps we care too much?
mike: i dont know if we really talk story anymore? if thats a good or bad thing...i dunno either
every music retailor i've visited in the past month: why must you sell such wonderful things!!!

 
it looks like its heart fart season for everyone around me...

i hope i dont catch it too...my heart fart season was last quarter...

 
need a nap. i'm functioning on two hours of sleep. at least i'm not hungover anymore.

last sat pcn practice....longest waterfight ever. i picked the wrong day to wear jeans damnit! t'was fun everyone! one more week...EEK!

to call or not to call ...that is the questiion....

 
my tummy's grumbling like i haven't had food for so long,
but i think i'm hungry for something else...

 
nic:

why is it happiness comes and goes as easily as the river ebbs and flows?

i feel you honey. i hope this is a temporary moment of insanity on both of your parts...but if you feel its for the best, then its for the best. don't fight for something if it isn't worth fighting for...but fight diligently if it is...

so the question is...

is she worth it?

at least you know i love you, but i know it isn't the same. and no to ngoc...it'll never happen =)

 
(so as to not get anyone confused when you read this blog, and i know many of you do, because all my friends are self centered attention whores who think that everything on their friends blogs, including mine, is about them, lemme tell you that this is specifically to someone who looks like where's waldo when they wear are certain hat...[wow that was an extremely long run on, fragmented, horrible grammatical sentence...my english teacher would be so ashamed!] )

to be so full of passion
to be empowered by your cause
to be new to the scene
to be bright eyed
to not be beat down
to not be THAT bitchy
to not be THAT bitter
to be attempting to find your path
to be all these things,
was me two years ago
is her now
it makes sense
g'luck

 
who new realizations came and went with the swiftness of a breathe?

 
i wonder
where the music comes from
where the melody flows
why the melancholy voice knows

i wonder
why we can pick up where we left off
like nothing ever happened
why we can move on
and i can still consider you a good friend

i wonder
if in time you'll still be around
or will you forget the friendship we've found

i wonder
all these things float in my head
but i keep silent about them instead

i'll just enjoy it while it lasts
this friendship, hopefully won't pass
perhaps this thing we have is concrete?
would that be a momentous for feat?
for you not for me
thats for sure
i keep my friends intact
by i know you're usually a little unsure

i wonder
i simply wonder
==============================

remembering an old blog....

enjoy the moment...

music of the mind: NORAH JONES
current mood: surprisingly, questioningly HAPPY

 
COME AWAY WITH ME- NORAH JONES

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come way where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I"m safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
======================================

there are times when certain songs invoke certain meanings.

well this isn't one of these times.

i really just love how she sings this song. for anyone who can dl norah jones or go support the artist at wherehouse its only 8.99 people!!! that's a nice price for the wherehouse her voice is just...i can't describe with anything really but beautfiul. its filled with a melancholy sadness that can touch the soul...a bit overdramatic i know...but hey its coming from me, it should be expected.

just my soapbox moment for the day....
i'll step down now.

maybe it is dedicated to you maybe its not...just listen to this song. you won't regret it.

ok now i'll really step down from my soapbox...

 
too many times i've said goodbye
and i just dont know why
listening to the cool sounds of jazz and blues
wondering what was all the news
hearing the melancholy sound of the shantozzies voice
wondering what was my choice
even when her voice resounds happiness
it simply sounds like a caged birds mess
what's the difference if we say good bye now
its gone on for so long and i allow
for it to continue and present itself
these are the emotions i have felt
no more questions
no more lies
no more eminent despises
of you
of me
of all this simplicity
just one more good bye

 
thanks nic for the distraction. we haven't talked story in a while huh? must do that more. track 12....from the beginning. yes that's why we're best friends! shut up about it being my anthem! let me be in my imaginary tragic kingdom ok? imaginary yes i said imaginary. like i said i need to meet new people with new names with new faces, but at least retain the old that make me smile...like you buddy!

endless wherehouse trips, coffee and smoke breaks, and talk story times.

=)

wanna talk story some more?

 
papers=brain farts

i dont know why panic has set in yet....

 
i have a five page paper due tomorrow
i forgot to turn in an application
my feet hurt from new shoes
i'm full from too much food
i need to work on a project due wednesday that i know absolutely nothing on
i have to turn in more ra paperwork
i haven't finished the book that my five page paper, which is due tomorrow, is on
i'm stuck in the middle...again
i have to do my internship applications
i have to do a letter of reccomendation (since when are ppl asking me to do these???)

its only monday! crap shit fuck ahhhhhhhh

mood: a lil paniced (is that how you spell that?)
song of the moment: in our darkest hour by phantom planet

 
Dear ____________ (fill in blank accordingly),

hi how are you? i hope you're doing well. i just wanted to let you know some things.

thanks for turning 22, making me eternally the baby (jen)
thanks for knowing i'm always there to listen...at any time! (ivy)
thanks for being my best friend and gay husband (nic)
thanks for being one of the few ppl i can stand (alex)
thanks for being rad cousins (sean, charlie, vincent, eloisa)
thanks for pizza, beer, and movies (emil)
thanks for a good time at the mesa semi formal (all the ra's and the rest of staff)
thanks for the good conversations and understanding that i don't mean to make you mad intentionally (mikey)

simply put thanks ( everyone else that i can't think of at the moment...hey its early!)

 
fun time movie quotes:

Harris: Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?

L.A. Story
=======================================

Westley: As you wish.

Inigo Montoya: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! And after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more!

Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded! I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem! There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

The Princess Bride
=========================================

Corey: You're such a great person, Lloyd. I'm a good person, but you are a great person.

Diane: I just cant have any social life right now.
Lloyd: Dont worry about it. We're just having coffee. We'll be anti-social.
Diane: Be friends?
Lloyd: Yeah. With potential.

Lloyd: I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

Diane: I love you.
Lloyd: What?
Diane: I love you. How many more times do I have to say it?
Lloyd: One more time would be nice.
Diane: I love you. Please? I love you.
Lloyd: One question: are you here because you need someone, or you need me? Forget it, I dont care.
Diane: I need you.

Say Anything
========================================
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair;
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick;
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie,
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around,
And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

10 Things I Hate About You
==========================================
Funeral Blues
W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Four Weddings and a Funeral.

 
too many times i've tripped and fell too fast
upon which my interactions never would last
for now i'll just try and enjoy this complication
and revel in each moment of our situation

mood of the moment: get me a midol stat!! the cramps the pain!!! damnit.....but otherwise i'm doing pretty swell
song of the moment: phantom planet, the entire cd, esp. one ray of sunlight(track 4), anthem (track 5), and in our darkest hour (track 6)

 
mesa semi formal:

good music, but the power went out a couple of times =(
fun dancing =)
good food...hmmm filet mignon and nummy nummy cheesecake =)
nat sherman mints and my new cute lighter (that hopefully i won't lose =p) =)
cute dj's =)
the cleavage was just pooring out of my dress...dont know if that's a good or bad thing = / =p
bee getting a cute dj's # =) =p

all in all good times good times (not a filler word this time around!)

i'm off to bed dreaming of cute dj's...lols =p

 
i really should be napping or getting ready for the mesa semi formal...but alas...i'm online goofing off...

so what's new there then?

 
arghhh...more food again..jack n the crack is rumbling in my tummy =(

its starting to hurt...that's it...no more college cycle of eating==starving and then filling up the tum tum until it can't be full no more== my poor tum tum can't take it anymore

=(

 
CHARLIE IS REALLY COOL.!

sorry moment of randomness... go to this site and click on dancer profiles way of rhythm
and then click on charlie to see my really cool cousin...notice the most embarrassing moment...i think i was the one who did that to him...hehehe

 
oh boy...

i think this has definitely been a food week....

rice garden, free food from the asian am dept open house, hooters with the guys, and versailles today with the girls ( HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!!! like i haven't told you that a gazillion times today...)

my tummy has been very content, but i feel like a blob...eek and mesa court semi is tomorrow!! should i pull an early 90s solution like jen did??? naw i don't think i can do that (so no worries there ivy)

hopefully i'll go back to normal foods soon...i dont think my poor tummy can take all this yummy goodness....it'll feel very bad very soon if i keep doing this...eek.

hey mikey (if you even read this): the next time you feel like fast food...go for fast food!!! banana and yogurt???? i question the satisfaction in that...

good times (yes mikey it is my new filler word =p )

 
good times:

tsismes session with kat till now.... =)

good times good times

 
of late i've been so sluggish.
can there be such a thing as too much sleep?

oh well back to bed....

 
overanalyzing a situation causes:

headache
heartache
drama

so i'm not gonna overanalyze the situation
or listen to the theories about situations

i'm gonna just enjoy life, friendship and everything else that comes with it.

have a nice day
thank you come again =)

 
hans...
i still think it means nothing....

=)

 
so i'm a lil' pissed off at some ppl...but then i realize some things...

stress clouds reason

and when i realize this i don't feel that angry at some ppl anymore.

also a little note...hans is wrong...the last person you talk to at night, might just be the last person you talk to at night and nothing more. its when ppl tell you that it means something that your brain starts to have heart farts. and who needs that?

no heart farts here and talking into the wee hours of the morning with friends...

 
believing me is one thing
believing IN me is another

please believe what i do and what i say has good intentions behind it. even though it may come off otherwise...

hopefully you believe this...
hopefully you believe in me...

 
oh happy day...i was approved for another credit card! =p debt here i come!!! oh wait...i'm already there. lols

good times good times

 
i'm on my lunch break at borders and now i'm in the apple store goofing off online. okay the internet age is now ruling my life. i seem to find ways to the internet w/out even thinking about it....its like i'm drawn to it...

damn....

when its time for our bar code tatoos i hope i get a good number......

 
emil- thanks for the pizza, beers, strawberry shortcake (even tho its still in ur fridge) and zoolander. even tho you fell asleep and i kinda did too. that movie is hella funny...the look baby...magnum! maybe we should start a school for kids who don't read that good??? hahahah "arrogant bastard" tastes like _______. you fill in the blank bc i thought it tasted like every thing in the pub in one bottle! thanks buddy. you know if you're bored, i'll be bored too...and at least we'll be bored together!!! lols. u think those kids got caught?? man what dumbasses....wasted alcohol, what a sad sight.... =p

 
so many thoughts
so many challenges
challenges to my mind
challenges to my heart
challenges to my soul

what's a person to do when it feels like everyone's on the attack???
what's a person to do, but strike back...
fuck the apprehension
fuck the tension
fuck all the trials and tribulations
bring it on and bring it fast
because i'll be sure not to come out last
stop doubting me and my beliefs
i'm tired of being told that there all falsities

i know who i am
i know who you are
and now i know that i'm ready to spar
fuck off
fuck you
you have no goddamn clue
because if you don't bring it
then i dont want any of your shit

was what i was thinking....

but all i said was...

hey...i gotta go

 
i feel tired at the moment. tired from staying up late and doing nothing, tired from worrying about friends that seem down, tired from worrying that i don't spent enough time with friends, tired from worrying that i'm missing out on something good....

i wish i could go back to the days where my biggest worry was making sure i had a glass of chocolate milk and some cookies to eat before sesame street started. times were simpler then...

they could be simple now too, if only i would remember that the simplest choice is the choice that's right in front of you. so if that's the case i'm gonna choose that choice...which is to simply be happy...to be me...

have a nice day =)
thank you come again....

 
certain things i inherently claim as mine:

my thoughts
my emotions
my words
my feelings
my family
my friends
my drama
my heart

things that i claim to be mine that eventually gets shared by all:

my thoughts
my emotions
my words
my feelings
my family
my friends
my drama
my heart

no wonder life's so...and yes i know this is my favorite filler word but i mean it....INTERESTING

 
papa james once had a poster in cascada that said, "smiles are free. so give them away." or something like that...

i think i need to take that advice. no more bitchyness. no more accidental meanness. i need to smile and be nice bc that's the person i used to be...(ivy don't laugh...i CAN be nice!)

so if i've pissed you off by being a bitch i'm sorry. i don't exactly mean it. i'm working on it, seriously i am...

sorry... = /

time for smiles not for frowns...

=)

 
ponderance of the day:

when you've finally become the person you've always wanted to be does that necessarily mean thats the person you're supposed to be?

 
when you have no idea what you're doing with yourself what do you do?
a) drink your sorrows away
b) smoke your sorrows away
c) a and b
d) run
e) run away
f) bitch to your friends
g) bitch on your blog
h) f and g

its about that time again. spring is here. allergy season is upon us and so is the lets re-evaluate my entire life and begin to worry that i've turned into a failure even tho i haven't done much to constitute failing....

yeah...i'm having one of those days...

 
rex when your famous can i have the honor of being your frriend??? lols just kidding! i know i'm still your homie right?? rigtht!! hahaha j/k =) ! hey if you ever need a back up singer gimme a call...=) i'll talk to you about music, music sensei (is that how you spell that?!?!?!)

 
life's funny.
friends are funny.

i smiled today because the person who i was missing so much that i wrote a blog about him randomly called out of the blue. its like a connection i guess? i dont know...perhaps this is why we are friends...any how it was cool. it made my day. =)

 
when you miss someone do you ever wonder what they're doing and what they're up to at that very second? you were just so accustomed to their face, their smile, their attitude, their everything...and then they're gone. you start to resume life as it was without that person in your life. but simultaneously you wish that they were there with you. sharing in that cigarette, in that beer, in that joke, in that moment. you start to appreciate the times that you had together and you realize that that someone meant a lot to you.

after the fact realizations suck.
i miss you.
i wonder if you miss me too...
(but i know you don't)
and that's ok
but still...

i miss you

 
ivy you suck. i hope you said hi to alvin, i pick my scabs bc i'm still 5, no 5 1/2...ok ok 5 3/4. j/k! and all the other hawaiians. i only really know alvin so yeah...i'm going to luau for our hawaiian club so maybe i'll see some fine ass hawaiians??? i dont think so bc i know some of the guys...and they dont compare to your hawaiians... so yeah..i'm sufficiently jealous and envious of you and the rest of the la bunch! =)

 
to en-tang or vincent gavin:

i tell people this all the time. when i think of you i picture this lil'boy that we would go pick up from panorama baptist. we would all be in our st. gen uniforms and you got to wear "free dress" or normal clothes to those of you who don't understand catholic school speak. but i'm starting to realize that you aren't that lil'boy anymore you're growing up to be a stand up guy...not comedy stand up, but like a good guy stand up kinda fellow.

in a word: you're turning into a man...

and with that i know you'll be a great one. with people like your dad, our uncles (including my dad who's like your dad's best friend =) lols), sean and charlie (yes even those two fools) you've got great role models.

when i read your words it really makes me see how far you've grown. i hear your thoughts and it hits me...my cousin is amazing. you write your words with honesty...i know its all your emotions, but you put it very eloquently ( like me it must run in the family ;) j/k) but seriously you do.
============================
you make me smile.
you always have
you make me laugh
even when you made me mad
you were always so cute
and you still are
when we were little you seemed mute
but i now see your words go far
time will pass
your wounds will heal
this heartache and pain won't last
and forgoten is something you won't feel
you matter to someone
you matter to me
the love you seek will be found in one
it's true, "there are other fish in the sea"
one day you'll look back
and laugh at all this pain
a cliche, i know, but its a fact
take these words from your cousin elaine
=============================

i heart you <3 en tang

 
Angie Stone lyrics
Angie Stone - Wish I Didn't Miss You
Same old story is back againShe's not a lover, she's just a friend
I'm sick and tired for you to blame on meNow you think it's funny
Now you wanna spend your money on girls But you forgot when you were down
That I was aroundCall my lover, hang up, call again
What in the world is happeningListen in, but don't yell at me
Isn't it ironic all you wanna do is smoke chronic
Boy, you forgot when you were downWho was around
I can't eat, I can't sleep anymoreWaiting for love to walk through the door
I wish I didn't miss you anymoreMemories don't live like people do
I'm sick for ever believing youWish you'd bring back the man I knew
Was good to me, oh LordEverytime you say you're coming
Boy, you disappoint me, honeyHow well you forgot when you were down
And I was aroundI can't eat, I can't sleep anymore
Waiting for love to walk through the doorI wish I didn't miss you anymore
I can't eat, I can't sleep anymoreWaiting for love to walk through the door
I wish I didn't miss you anymoreOne of these days, it's gonna happen to you
Missing a love like I'm missing you, babe yeah yeah
One of these days, when your dreams come true
That's the one that's gonna do it to you
Oh oh oh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeahI can't eat, I can't sleep anymore
Waiting for love to walk through the doorI wish I didn't miss you anymore

 
i can't eat i can't sleep anymore
waiting for love to walk throgh the door
i wish i didn't miss you anymore
======================
wish i didnt' miss you by angie stone
=====================

a rad song that seems to express everything i feel/felt....

 
the feeling of replacement???

yeah it sucks...to know that someone else has your "place" in someone's life...is a real sucky feeling. but you do get through it. and then you realize that your replacement can never replace you. that you are unique and special. they may have taken your "place" but their not YOU. and the person that their with isn't really worth all the heartache and pain you were going through. it always works out in the end, its just the period between heartache and the problem working out always seems to take too long.

but eventually it doesn't hurt anymore and that person doesn't mean that much anymore... (believe me it doesn't hurt that much =)...)

if your reading this vince...i hope it helps...

i love you!!!!
i'm here for you just like i know your there for me... =)

 
so when the life you lead isn't the life you invisioned what to you do then???

i guess you finally realize that sometimes visions don't come true or you didn't work hard enough to achieve them.

or

you realize that sometimes dreams are just dreams...sometimes they're beyond any plausible reach.

or

you continue to live in your bubble where dreams can turn into reality and working hard to achieve them isn't as impossible as it seems...

but then what happens when you finally do get them? how do you deal with that connundrum?

too many thoughts...too many questions...too many dreams...

 
better blog this before i forget....

so there's this line in love and basketball that i absolutely adore...it transcends the intial context to everything really..it goes something like...

you know when you're growing up you can see the life your gonna lead in the future and there's no doubt in your mind that it won't turn out that way...

its true...on so many levels its true...

 
i'm always afraid when i pick random music that's cheap...like today i got two for sure sounds: angie stone: mahogany soul and unwritten law:elva and then there was the lottery pick: lost prophets...i didn't know what it was...but it was 8.99. i read something on them somewhere and thought it was a cross of house and hip hop...WRONG! its something called nu-metal??? have no idea about this genre at all...all i do know is that i like it. its really dark stuff, but its good..not you're normal metal rock action goin on here.

the stack of cds near my boombox is getting higher and higher...
the stack of cd cases next to my comptuer tower is getting taller too, i had to cut it down so it wouldn't fall over...

am i turning into a music fiend again?????

YES

 
it seems like everyone else is getting fast balls and i'm getting all the curves.... = /

i'm getting used to hitting those curves... = )

i guess all it takes is practice...

 
when you're in constant search of happiness the search ends in the simplest of places. why go in search of it elsewhere when deep down you know exactly what makes you happy.

for awhile now i've been constant search for something to make me happy...elsewhere and everywhere really...but i think it hit me. i know what makes me happy and i shouldn't be in search of it because the answers are right in front of me.

why go in search for something that's staring you right in the face. go with what you know and all is good. go with something that should be the right answer and you'll be searching for that answer forever...

i really can't explain it...but its a great feeling...=)

 
to all those who worry about me...thanks...but you're worrying in vain.

i just realized that my cycle...yes that cycle that all females must go through is going through its monthly routine.

there's this old chauvanistic doctrine "never trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die..." you know there are times where i believe it...because i don't even trust myself half the time...

 
i think i've found the solution to my problem...

the lord has risen and so will i... =)

its strange when you can pinpoint when you're in the process of making a new friend.
its kinda neat

tragic kingdom was so close to being upon me, but i think i see blue skies shining again...

=)