hmmm....

life keeps throwing interesting turns at me.

the end of this academic year is coming and i just met some cool folks that i'd like to be friends with...too bad its the end of the year..at least i'm coming back for one more year and so i have that time to make an effort to get to know these folks better. i'd be bummed if i was graduating and would have to leave school on that note

talked with my supervisor about my performance as a ra. she noticed that i get nervous and what not around them...well its bc i never really felt comfortable around pro staff. i act like a child most of the time bc i felt like i was treated like a child. but what can you do, the year's over now you know?

my resis' keep getting money stolen from their rooms...that's seriously FUCKED UP and i have no idea who could be doing it...its the same suite too..that's what's really bugging me. i know i can't be there 24/7 like in their suite but come on now...stop stealing ppls money that's just fucked up

i really wish that i could stay here this summer. i dont want to go home at all...but at least with this trip home i'll have more of a motivation to find a job right away so i can move out and live on my own. i just want a job that pays me enough to pay rent...thats all i ask. too bad my parents live in the valley which is so close to la, so they'll probably tell me things like save money, live at home blah blah blah....shit i really dont want too...

its time to grow up...its time for me to take those steps into the future...its time to REALLY leave home...
college has given me the opportunity to understand what that feels like...but its been this understanding of freedom at the cost of mom and dad...its time to understand this freedom on my own terms and on my terms alone...

"i dont wanna grow up, i'm a toys r us kid...."

 
i've been listening to stevie wonder lately...damn that music is just happy music...

happy music for happy times i guess

no drama really around me... i think its because i've been not caring about the shit that's going on around me. kinda trying to figure my own life out for once. its time to finally think of my own well being as opposed to the well being of everyone else like my friends, my family, kaba, blah blah blah

i think i've just realized that life moves on with or without my presence...that may sound depressing but its not. the world will keep on turning and life continues on with or without me fighting or advocating or working for someone else's cause...

its time for me to think of my cause....myself

for once i've realized that my happiness is worth something and making other people happy isn't exactly the solution to making me happy...

so if i seem to not care too much about certain things...i probably dont...

bc ultimately in the end...it doesn't really matter

 
its now monday which means the three day weekend is over

i still have a bazillion things to do like homework, that paper that i never wrote, pack up my shit, prep for moving out, make posters and stuff, do the yearkbook, study for spanish, blah blah blah

but of course i'm not going to do any of that stuff any time soon because i'm in the middle of dying my hair....altho no one will tell because its blue black ...my hair will just be extra extra dark this time. i took out m y braids and had princess hair (meaning drew barrymore haire in ever after) for about five minutes bc it started to fro out like a lion...which was not cool...it reminded me of my perm days in elementary school yes yes i was one of those many schoolgirls who was talked into by their mom's that a perm would be cool in the 4th grade. what the hell were they thinking!!! it took like 5 years before my hair every became normal from that damn perm!

ok i'm babbling now...i think i should rinse this dye out now...

=)

so things are in an upswing i guess...nothing too pressing on my mind that i can't ignore by goofing off...

good times good times

 
being at home = boredom

i know i have tons of things to do, but i can't find myself to be in the right mood to do any of them...i need to get out of this house if i want to get any kind of work done i think...i swear...its like thao's room...a vortex...that leads to getting absolutely nothing done...



man oh man...i need a diversion from this dance ofboredom

 
its close to four in the morning and i've just come home from a good night of good music, good drinks, good smokes, good friends, good times...

yay...

time for bed...g'nite

 
FUCK! i said to myself i wouldn't get all emotional and mushy and teary eyed and reminscent at this whole end of the year thing... but GODDAMNIT i FUCKIN have.

so this year has been a rollercoaster, a see-saw, a swing, a merry-go-round, a carousel, a people-movers, a trampoline, a bungee-jump, a ropes course, an obstacle course, a tram ride, a train ride, a slip and slide, an expensive road trip

i can sum it up with: late nites, black nail polish, muffinfilms.com (do you like bran muffins?), random target trips, smoke breaks, wherehouse trips, diedrich's runs, jack in the crack runs, albertos runs, super k mart nites, ohthosedonuts nights, korean soon tofu house, the pub, lil bottles of wine and 40s at the beach, kfc, 7/11 brown bag sandwiches and slurpees, blue bear, coffee bean trips, people watching, bj's (the restaraunt! not that kind!), random trips to la, "fake dates", spiderman, star wars and yoda, tahoe, fortres 43, the cross on sundays and thurs, tammy's house and her karoake thing!, mesa commons, too much duty, my resis, mesa student staff, mesa ra's

thanks for the laughs, smiles, tears, and everything....
it's really meant a lot
some people walk into your life and simply fade away...
others come into your life and change you forever...

thanks

 
here is my formal written apology to any one i've let down this year.

i'm sorry i've :
a) let you down
b) pissed you off
c) annoyed you
d) snapped at you
e) flaked on you
f) bitched at you
g) all of the above

people fuck up...
i fucked up

sorry

 
instead of working out i took a much deserved nap, much deserved since i spend most of my night up doing absolutely nothing...absolutely nothing includes playing big money (damn that game!!) and talking on the phone...yup so its good times...i'm just freakin tired, so the nap was good times very good times

i've been thinking about a lot of things...its the whole end of the year time thing....time for reflection and what not...

so i've been thinking...if snorks were like smurfs, but lived underwater would the only difference be that there were more snork girls and the snorks got to wear different outfits?

ok no no that's not really what i've been pondering about...although i've did have a conversation about this with someone...hehe

i've just been thinking that college was fun times..especially good times...and even though there was a lot of drama that came with it...it's been a great year.....

(but dont you find it ironic that we think the closing of a year is in june, when in fact it is in december??? hmm perhaps our calendar system is in fact WRONG....ok ok ok enough crazy soapbox ranting...hehe)

 
so pass downs are over...it already feels like its not my baby anymore =( i gave kris as much knowledge about this whole ra as i could. there's really nothing you can say...its one of those you've gotta live it type deals to really know what its like..oh well

good times 2day: helping out with alex's video project...for as much of a bitch alex is...he's really a sweetie. talking to friends into the wee hours of the morning...that's always agood times...what college is about really , no ?

 
i'm in the process of cleaning my room again...passdowns are in two hours...i can't believe they're finally here...i know its cliche but it feels like just yesterday i was the newbie, intimidated, scared and excited to be doing this whole ra thing. and now...a whole year has passed and i'm about done. its so strange to think that its over....i have no idea what to tell kris...what words of advice to give him is lost on me. at least i'll be around and at least this time around i know kris. it feels good to know that otero will be in good hands next year.

oh well no more reflecting more cleaning....=p

 
interviews shminterviews
meetings shmeetings

ahhhhh what a sucky night tonight...and i still have to clean my room for pass downs!!!!

ok yeah yeah life isn't that bad i know...lemme freak out about the little things ok? =p

 
so the ethernet was down in mesa for quite some time which left me feeling very disconnected....

and now its back...ahh yes the balance has been restored! its a sad day in denmark (like that hamlet reference, huh? yes yes i'm a geek! ) when we fall victim to the dependence of the ethernet...but alas i digress and focus on the current project at hand...blogging

this weekend was mostly good times my friends.

puso hella fun day was hella fun... i got to play ball, which i haven't done in so long. it felt good to dribble a basketball and shoot around. it made me reminisce for the days...those horrible days...of suicide drills and laps and shooting drills and defense drills...ok ok ok maybe not...i'm getting exhausted just thinking of how i used to do that shit...for fun too hahahah...oh well yeah it was fun playin and watchin bee gush over DUDE...i'm sad we lost...but the people we were playin were hella good. berto's team was just all ballers....made me kinda jealous. also made me realize...damn my smoker lungs! haha
i went on another fake date with alex in which we saw star wars episode two at the block. damn yes it was awesome. the cgi...george lucas...the tyrant that he is about his series...has some talented mind to envision a galaxy like that. and hey at least this time they have latino's in senate (jimmy smits) and pacific islanders as clones (jango and boba fett) okay i dont think that whole thing about pacific islaners as clones is exactly a good thing...but hey the fact that their being used in films...come on now ...that's some progress ain't it? heh

my one gripe is how lucas' writing sucks ass. the latter part of the trilogy had some wit some pinasche to it...this was dry and bleh...oh i love you...my soul hurts with out you...blah blah blah bleh. it was too much love in a sci fi flick for me people. and did anyone else notice that natalie portman was wearing less and less clothing by the end of the film? what was up with that bondage outfit?!

and then sunday came hahah ok so this is a long blog forgive me my ethernet was down remember!

hung out with the ra's looking for pass down stuff...i found none...oh well it was cool hanging out with the sunday crew me jp caren and thao. i love thao's road trip car...very nice very nice. it was kinda sad thinking that in just a couple of weeks we won't have those times together. i'm happy that this whole mesa ra thing will be over, but i'm sad that i won't be as close to the people i've met. i never would have been as close to them as i am now... (awww yes yes this is me having a reflective moment...)

and then off to ucla's pcn. good lord it was long...fuckin four hours!! come one people put in an intermission at least half way here! i was dying for a smoke brreak. and their story...artificial workforce?? cyborgs in the philippines?? ok i was feeling the whole politcal scheme of things at first ...you know the whole corporation attempting to take over a country and all...but then there was the singing, which was ok and expected its a ucla pcn, and then there was the cyborg futuristic story...ehhhh i coulda not had that. but whatever...pcn's pcn. and then they have their song. ok ok i'm happy that they have a song and they can rock on with their bad selves with it...but...from an outsider...well...well...its a something to have a comedy gleam at...good times good times tho heh

all during ucla's pcn i was thinking of my own skit ideas and how i would do scenes and what not...also watching their curtain call...it made me kinda sad. to think that their will be a time where i will only be in the audience at pcn. or that i wont have the joy of being on a stage performin in front of my friends and family...sharing in my culture in some way or fashion...that makes me sad. at least i had those moment...heheh precious moments...but still. one day it'll all be over...(alas another reflective moment...)

roscoe's was the bomb afterwards tho!! there's just something about chicken and waffles smothered in butter and syrup (the waffle not the chicken....) it felt soooo good. i was freakin starving from sitting four hours in that damn pcn and then not eating for an extremely long time prior to the moment we stepped into roscoes. but t'was very very very filling and satisfyin i must say....

and now today...ahhhh humanities has ruined my life. i have to write the paper now. bc i never did and was hoping to change the class to pass/not pass but i can't...fuck i'm so screwed. i'm thinking i'll turn in two paper when their due. fuck ... damn my lethargic lazy slackerness...

and its only 11 44 am...its a long day ahead of me with interviews to do for board, and then board mtgs, and then cleaning my room for pass down tomorrow...

but whatever...this is the life i lead..the life i've chosen...one of procrastination/celebration/hibernation/consumtion/panic-eration

ahh yes college life...

 
hmm so many things to do right now...

hafta run some errands at albertsons before my program (buying snackie foods like popcorn and stuff) and then actually having my program. all i really wanna do is go home and move some shit back. but then again i dont wanna deal with my parents yelling at me for my exhorbatant (i think i spelled that wrong) habits. and then i usually would go to la to hang out...but that house right now is going through too much drama that i dont have to/ want to deal with.

so what does that mean now? i'm sick of driving...i'm sick of a lot of things... a lot of ppl even...

hmmm...i think i just need a hug.

can i get a hug???? = /

 
yay for good times and good friends.

it was really nice to kick it at bjs yesterday for jaye's bday. hanging out with nic jevon hans bee mish april regi g berto jase was nice. i miss those ppls so much. i see some of them often, but you know all of us hanging out at once...its been awhile...laughing and just chiling..i like those moments.

i can't wait for puso hella fun day so i can see them all again.

vow for next year...hang out with friends more often. i just wanna hang out with people and not be boggled down by some obligation or another. being together because we can and not because we have to.

"no board clumping..." =)

 
last night was interesting. i was hoping to hang out with mikey but his lazy ass didn't come down. instead i trekked up to la...again (that's 3x in one week) for dinner with the brockton clan for richards bday. that was fun times. the italian restaurant was nice and expensive...which i knew would be the case. the whole madison's thing...yuck! who's idea was to turn a brick building into a bar?? that was an idiotic idea bc drunk sweaty college students convert the place into an oven...very gross....

i had a good long talk with ivy about selfish people. i care not for them...but its hard to care not for them when there the same people who you thought were "close friends" that's what sucked. as an outsider i saw how they chose to put ivy on the outs...which sucks. i didn't see what gave them the right to do that.

here's the back story....we were all talking in jen and vanessa's room and the subject of vanessa's ex bf came up....she got extremely sad and depressed. ivy and i leave the room for like 3 minutes and i just kick it in the other room and chat up a storm with everyone...but ivy comes back to the room bc it wasn't her place to be in the other room.

the fucked up thing is what gives them the right to do that to someone who's their "close friend" how do they know that ivy wouldn't be able to give any helpful advice as well? is it bc she isn't as mushy and gushy? so what? the best thing about friendship is when you can tell someone the truth and not get offended, hurt, or defensive.

i dont understand that at all. if you don't want someone in your inner circle then at least have the respect to tell them that and not leave it at some silent understood agreement/misunderstanding. i didn't like the situation at all. and i made my opinion known to ivy. i want to bring it up...but i have no idea how. i know i'm not the friend doctor...but fuck it was sucky. and i've been in ivy's shoes...been the one brushed and dismissed in some silent fashion...and it sucks. i'd rather appreciate someone verbally telling me to go bc then there's a reason, there's someone, there's something...i guess tangible. doing it in the silent fashion is like a cop out...its like no one wants to be the bad guy or something....that isn't reality. there's always a bad guy and someone always ends up getting hurt...its just a matter of being able to understand that fact and being able to live with that...



you can call me crazy for thinking so...but that's how i saw it....

 
why do i even bother pretending to do work...it just never gets done. it will eventually...alas i am still caught with the unmotivation sickness...

sympton of sickness:

my day today---class...pub....goof off at cross....sleep....av passdown....la with alex, which i just got back from right now. i swear it feels liike i'm alex's rebound girl because him and emm are on a break =p...hahahaha it was a fun night helping alex be a stalker...shit i got a meal at some funky restuarant that seems like your eating in a spaceship, a trip to the grove where we saw spiderman (i finally say it and can join in in the tobey maguire is cute gushing...ehh but kristien dunst as mary jane...i still dislike her...james franco...that's a cutie! =D )and a meal at the kettle...yummy. shit me and alex freakin went out on a date! hahahah this is all too funny since alex is very much "the gay" as our parents would say.

t'was a fun evening....=p

an expensive one...but i came to the realization that spending time with good friends equals us spending good money...that we dont exactly have. c'est la vie...it's good times had by all...so ultimately its money well spent!

g'nite everyone i'll see ya in the mornings....

 
hmmm.....

allergies totally and completely suck. yeah...sneezing and stuffy noses and watery eyes...BOOOOOO. i honestly dont know how in the past people did not have drugs to deal with them. although i never really use drugs i just endure the pain of allergies..but just knowing that there out there for me is comforting.... i dont know how that strange train of thought makes sense...but it makes sense to me...

call me crazy?!?! =)

thats it...
thank you come again
have a grrrrrrrrrreat day!

(ok it really sounds like i've taken some form of drug..but i haven't i swear! )
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heh

 
classic college moment#1:
goofing off with alex. off to target to spend money on dvds, off to the block to spend money on clothes and cds...the funny thing about that adventure: getting a phone call lecture from my mom about how i spend too much money while in the middle of spending money!!!

classic college moment#2:
watching oceans 11 with nancy, jp, and some parts with thao and caren bc they had to leave...

classic college moment#3:
board mtgs =p

classic college moment#4:
getting teased by your friends about the guy your crushin (mini crushin really) on...heh =p

classic college moment#5
coffee/ smoke breaks =D

mood for the time being: smiley
music for the time being: reid speed|resonance

 
surprisng the 'rents was cool yesterday. i went to 99 ranch or ranch 99 (tomato tomatoe) and bought my mom one of those lucky bamboo things. damn she loves her bamboo and so i dropped $10 on mi madre. then i had to get gas and DAMN the mobil on alton for being closed because it made me go to the mobil all the way in heritage park near the 5...i was tempted to go the quiznos for a sandwich but i got on the 5 to head home.

ok now i know why i dont take the 5 home. first off its on the other side of the city when i get to the valley...second..the lanes are butt ass small!! and my spoiled ass is used to the wide lanes of the 405. also its stinky...i dunno i was not enjoying the toxins i was inhaling from the many big rigs that were driving along side me...eww...i had to inhale my air freshner to survive. which probably wasn't a bright idea because there's probably just as many toxic fumes in there as well...just nice smelling toxic fumes! =p

the visit home was fun. i doorbelled which i know freaked out my parents because no one ever doorbells at my house, bc no one ever visits us in our nice part of urban(poor) suburbia. well its not like we live in the projects it was pretty bad for awhile...yucky gangsters selling drugs and what not...but then we got a gate,....which people thought was supposed to protect us...naw it just kept the drug dealers and punks inside...oh well yeah that's my lovely neighborhood.

so i was at home for about15-20 minutes. there wasn't really much to do. my parents had already settled down for the night. dad had just finished working out and my mom was scoping out the job scene on the net so no big adventuruous sunday night plans for my parentals.

so i took off and picked ivy up and we headed up to la for some chill time. we got coffee bean and then drank it in westwood for some idealic people watching. t'was nice. i really wanted to take this giant icecream malt sundae statue....it was so rad...but ivy wouldn't let me...and plus i think it would be rather odd...some girl holding this gigantic ice cream thing to her car??

i spent the rest of the night w/the brockton girls minus jose..he was still in the dale..palmdale...we goofed off. we took pictures very high school esque. damn i should've taken ronalds paperboy hat it was sooo cute!! arghhh and he said he's cleaning out his closet..yay free stylish clothes! i gotta go up there when he drops them off hehehe. i spent the night watching oceans 11 and oogling over brad pitt...ronald mentioned that in every scene i just would go off on how beautiful he is...well damn it he is b eautiful and worthy of praise!! heh...they also got to hear about the two new crushes in my life...why is it i do things in pairs?? hmmm... but yeah...the two boys are soo opposite from each other...but simultaneously my style..arghhh...so if i were to combine both boys the ideal boy would be half white / half pilipino /who listens to hip hop and punk/ where's ballers shoes, but doesn't ball /is a skater who drinks beer/ not too tall and not too short / a nerd but a cool nerd / has a couple piercings /and is just a nice guy in general...a girl can dream right? heh...

i was also the good friend and tried to motivate mikey to write the paper that isn't his paper...kinda worked. ironic since i haven't even started the paper that was due LAST wednesday...heh i'm a horrible student..but hey C's GET DEGREES...=p

this all happened yesterday since my friday and saturday consisted of duty..bleh...in which all i did was watch movies and blog...

oh well yesterday was fun at least my entire weekend wasn't shot!

mood of the moment: happy and content =p
music of the mind: john mayer | room for squares

lainey, spewed this out at 1:35 PM