moments alone...

i'm in the brockton pad all by my lonesome and you know what? it doesn't really phase me at all. this place has become a 2nd home that i dont really feel weird here by myself. and actually a majority of my life has been spent alone. for instance i'm an only child, granted i did grow up with my cousins and all, but i did spend countless days and nites by myself with just my parents to play monopoly with. i'm used to driving by myself. i dont even mind the occasionally trip to the mall by myself. i get things done a lot faster when i'm in the company of one.

but i dont think i've ever really felt LONELY. even though i do things with i myself and me i dont really feel sad or find myself in a canipshin about being all by my lonesome. its actually quite peaceful and i enjoy being able to hear myself think.

i'm not saying that i dont enjoy anothers company. far be it i love my times with my friends and family. but i'm just contemplating on the fact that moments alone dont neccesarily have to lead to negative connotations.

hmmm...interesting...g'day to y'all

 
passenger seat...

growing up i loved going on car rides. i never was the one who got car sick or the one who fell asleep. i loved to look out the window and stare at the road we were driving bye. lately i've been noticing how that the road that i loved to look at has changed into something completely different. and now as a driver, i know i should be paying attn to the road as i drive, but sometimes i see how a certain area has changed and i feel very nostalgic and old.

for example on the corner of roscoe and woodman there's a strip mall in the valley that was as plain as day growing up. there was a lucky's, a video store, and several other shops. i would go there with my aunt and my cousins and go grocery shopping with them. when i go there now the entire place has been deemedn "pinoy ave." there is a seafood city, a chowking, and kv valerio's. there's also kalesa grille a restaurant and bistro grille the more uppity version of the same place (think sam woo bbq (cheap), rite next to sam woo seafood (expensive) same kitchen, different prices). the place has turned into pinoy central. altho it does have its competition. the strip mall to the left of it has a good-ha restaurant, another kv valerio (a much smaller version, but the og one that my mom likes to go to), and a minus one place and other pilipino stores. the strip mall to the left of it has toto's lechon ( i think its still open) and the original dj bibingkahan. go up the street and there's island pacific which is a supermarket/mall of pilipino-ness. next to that area is where the old dj store used to be, its now a restaurant. and a block up from there there's a mami king and a monet ii salon.

when i would visit home i never seemed to notice any of these changes. but now that i'm going back to irvine i realize how much "home home" has changed.

crazy what can happen when you're not looking, eh?

on a less pensive note
happy birthday jevon, sorry i couldn't be there. i'll get you a beer next time tho!

oh and i went under the needle again. elaine has more body art, this time on her left shoulder blade. so now my back is a triangle of designs. this time i got a sun that resembles the philippine sun and my mom's family name in alibata inside it. the other tats on my back include my dad's last name in alibata on my right shoulder blade and an cute angel w/pink hair praying and the virgo symbol above it.

i found my design for my last tat...i swear it'll be my last one...its a lil turtle. i wanna get it near my ankle like practically on my foot. it would only be like an inch big.

yes its addicting...once you pop you just can't stop.

g'nite everyone

 
SIGH partii

damnit. i dropped the ball again. i saw the iced latte boy and didn't even get to say one word to him. FUCK!

but then i realized something. i'm sick of chasing. i don't want to deal with the hastle anymore. if he wants my number and if it naturally happens, then it happens. i dont want to force the situation. who needs that?

so if it happens it happens, if not...

things happen for a reason


i'll just have to figure out what the reason is later on...

 
SIGH...

so before i had insomnia, i was oversleeping. and now that i have insomnia, i wake up butt crack early. what the hell is going on here?

i went to the brockton party, expecting to see the usual ppls. instead it was all of irene's friends and it felt like all of junior high was drinking downstairs. we (meaning all the people who were actually old enough too drink) stayed up in the bedrooms. what the hell is going on here?

drama-rama as usual in the brockton pad. i don't wanna get sucked into it, but i probably will bc of my stupid need to fix things. what the hell is going on here?

one more week of work and i'm out of borders sherman oaks. gonna miss some of those ppls, i better get their info so i can someday call these ppls and see how there live are doing. YES!

i will get my tat some time this week. charlie finally did my design. so i shall have completed that summer goal. YES!

realization: although i've been heavily involved in kaba and have a large amount of filipina/o friends i have never had a filipina/o roommate.
1st year: rosa--mexican american, 2nd year: single apt-moi, 3rd year-erin and lesley (and for a bit craig)-japanese american, summer in btwn: debby, rosanne, jenn, nancy: taiwanese, chinese, korean, and japanese american, 4th year: ra life, winter in btwn: twinky, debby, jenn, ngoc, and nancy: taiwanese, korean, vietnamese, and japanese american, 5th year: ha life

hmmm....interesting no?

 
insomnia...

IV279: why do you think you have insomnia?
IV279: stress?
UCcloud9: i dont know
IV279: nervous or anxious about anything
UCcloud9: not really
UCcloud9: i dont think so
IV279: hmmm.
IV279: what could it be?
UCcloud9: no clue really
UCcloud9: i'm just restless
IV279: why?
UCcloud9: i dunno
UCcloud9: its summer

so yeah i've been suffering from a little insomnia, of late. i dont know why. i'm sure watching tv hasn't helped much. tvs actually been pretty shitty nowadays. shitty in a bad way, not in the good way like in forms like the anna nicole smith show, sorority life, or american idol (which is on its way to becoming bad shitty). i've just been pretty restless. i really should be resting because i'm still "recovering" from my tiny bout with illness, but even that reason hasn't made me tired enough to sleep. i know i'm tired. i just can't sleep. i just lie in bed, with my eyes closed, waiting until i doze off. i'm just not dozing off in the usual timely fashion.

IV279: what does that mean
IV279: summer makes you unsleepy?
UCcloud9: yeah kind of
UCcloud9: i guess

summer does have a tendency of making me an insomniac. my brain's been basically rotting away on tv. although i could say otherwise since i've read 12 books this summer and am on my way to finishing two more since i'm reading two books simultaneously at the moment.

i have no clue as to why insomnia currently has a hold of me right now.

sigh

gnite everyone, i'm gonna attempt to sleep now...

 
test anyone?

thanks yapster. i went a lil test crazy...

My College Is:

UCI Trade School Students at UCI Trade School goof off a lot. The average student has sex 12 times a month. There are lots of frats and sororities. Booze is the drug of choice. The average GPA is 2

Enroll

Book Worm Meter for lainey

Shut In 71% . . 29% Out Of The House Intellectual 77% . . 23% Moron High Attention Span 59% . . 41% Low Attention Span Bookitude 70% . . 30% Book Burner Book Worm 69.25% . . 30.75% Bug Stomper

Take your bookworm readings.

Am I The Greatest Song In The World? Rock: Indeed, I am the greatest song in the world! But you shalt never hear me, for I am far to great to be heard by the ears of mortals. Are you the greatest song in the world?

What magazine am I? I am Skin & Ink: If you are one of those freaks who thinks that having a body full of tatoos is obsessive then you had better get the hell out my way. I've got 4 square inches of blank skin that need to be taken care of. What magazine am I?

. . . What is my spectrum? I am green: My main color is green. I like to have fun and comfort. Happiness is the marker of a great life. . What is my spectrum?

My Romance Meter

Optimist 50% . . 50% Cynic Close 41% . . 59% Distant Long Term 56% . . 44% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

Will lainey Survive A Pit Match Against Clinton And Bush?

. 24% chance Bush would kill you. . 36% chance Clinton would kill you. . 99% chance he would sexually harass you. . 40% chance you would kill them.

Enter Combat

The B-Movie That Suits Me Is: Flesh Gordon: In the 70's 'big budget' porns were all the rage. These hybrids combined b-movie sets and scripts with humpalicious action, while not hardcore like modern stuff. The ultimate was Flesh Gordon, now regarded as a comedy. Find out which b-movie suits you.

 
celeb sitings and other musings...

so at work yesterday i got a legit celeb siting. no b actor here! it was Tom Everet Scott. for those of you who don't recognize the name. he's shades in the film: That Thing You Do. or for those of you who didn't see that film he was the other guy, not zack morris, in the the film: Dead Man on Campus. He's a really cool guy. I made him laugh with my comments on how not being able to take tips was the foil of my evil employers. I have a pention for making people laugh. hmm...new career...uh yeah rite i just like being witty and charming =p he had his wife and daughter with him. his daughter was sooo cute. me and my cousin bryan thought she looked like our niece jade.

terrible 2s
jade's our cutie niece who's now in the terrible two's stage. she's sooo cute. my ate carrie dresses her in really girly stuff. she's such a girly girl. i mean that's cool and all, but i always was a tomboy and my clothes were hand me downs from my older cousins (who happened to be boys) so i didn't really like dresses and jewelery and stuff. jade's only two and she loves shoes and accessories!!! ohmylanta! i guess there's a bit of filipina yet in that lil'girl. you can't even tell she's half she looks like a lil' white kid. but then again her dad's irish and my ate carrie she got most of the spanish blood...i'm sure ate used to pass for a white girl back in the day.

its a small world after all
so my cousin bryan had to go to this wedding last weekend. and jevon's blog talked about how his family was stressing about his sister's wedding. well my cousin went to jevon's sister wedding. in fact my cousin bryan is jevon's sister jovica's friend! okay...if that's not a case for a small world...i dont know what is. bryan actually caught the garter and joyce, (jevon's other sister,who i went to school with!), caught the bouquet. from the sounds of it there was a lot of ppl at this wedding. they took the grand ballroom at the biltmore hotel. that room holds around 500 people. bryan told me it was about 90bones a plate. EEK!! dang! je-su-chris-to man ouch

diagnosis update
and if you've been reading this you'll know i've been dying the past couple days. but now i'm ok. bryan told me that i have a case of severe cold. grrreat. its pretty much in its last stages for me. i have this weird thing about getting sick. when i was kid i used to get sick all the time and i can pretty much know what's gonna happen to me. for 2 days i'm totally miserable. and then afterwards i'm ok, but I SOUND horrible. like my voice is ten octaves lower and i have nasty sounding cough...but its really nothing. well...according to medical professionals i'm sure its something, but i know that i'm in the clear. so right now i'm in the clear, but everyone else is gonna think i'm dying.

have a good weekend everyone...i'm gonna be studying...woo hoo
(can u feel the enthusiasm?)

 
mind games

conclusion. being sick, being a chickenshit, being stupid, being a dork...its all a mind game. so if i just play the game and tell myself i'm not sick- i therefore will not be sick?

ok ok its wishful thinking i know. actually all the meds and drugs that i've been doped up on for the past couple of days have started to kick in. i'm not feeling as crappy as i was in the past couple of entries. in fact i feel better. the only thing thats haggling me is a nasty cough and the nasaly thing. but otherwise things are going on the up and up health wise. haven't smoked a cigarette since tuesday...and really i dont plan on smoking any time soon. i plan on laying off until my sickenss totally blows over.

but i'm serious about the whole mind game thing. ngoc has this theory that deep down even the coolest people are dorks. and everyone has their dorky/nerdy side, its all a matter of time/getting to know someone so you can finally see that side. if you look at people that way, then there's no need to be intimidated by people. hmm...this theory is very easily said, hard in practice! i've been trying, but there are still some folk who are just way too cool for words. and well, those people can sawed off really bc who needs people who are too cool right?!?!

i think the world would be a happier place if we could all just admit to ourselves that we're all a bunch of dorks...

 
rest & robitssum

i've been lying in bed for the past two days addicted to: rest and robitssum. drinking a lotta tea helped the first day i was sick, but it wasn't enough. i was dying at work so i went home early yesterday. and today i just called out. i doubt people would really want someone with nasal congestion and a somewhat sounding severe cough serving them drinks and food.

i do feel better though. rest and robitsuum is my cure. altho you wouldn't think i'm better bc my cough sounds way harsh...like on the deathbed sounding harsh, but i'm not that bad. its mostly stuffy head and cough now...

okay enough of my sickness talk...sorry for grossing you guys all out!

i think i'm gonna get a lil'more rest.

 
I AM NOT SICK!

as i wheeze and feel the congestion/flem in my lungs, i scream and shout: I AM NOT SICK! but then a big loogie wants to come out of my body and i spit it out and retire to the conclusion that...yeah maybe i am sick. sorry for the graphic-ness of that-but hey that's how i'm feeling!

its august damnit! no one gets sick in august! its the freakin summer, how can anyone be sick? the sun's out and all that sunny crap, no one can be sick! je-su-chris-to!

i just about drank my entire bladder full of green tea and my throat still feels rocked. i was hoping that i'd pee out my sickness (it can be done i tell you! i've done it before) but i still feel bad. i'm laying off the smoking for a while, bc it probably won't aide in the healing process at all now would it?

i'm chillin in la at the brockton (aka dramatic/soap opera-esque) pad. its good times, a nice place to kick it and ignore all the drama that unfolds around you. i tend to just think of myself as the special guest star who likes to hang around and just ponder why there's so much drama going on in the apt, bc its all rather stupid and trivial. so its special guest star, but not in a heather locklear/melrose place kinda way.

ok off to go shoppin. on the list of things to buy: flip flops (old navy), slum village (target or best buy), and monsters inc. (again target or best buy) that's all i'm allowed to buy today! no over spending!

oh and can i just say i'm WAY JEALOUS, very GREEN WITH ENVY of my puso pal Berto bc he got to hang out backstage with chris carraba (one of my many future husbands) of dashboard confessional. but hey now i can say: i have a friend who "knows" chris carraba. heh

everyone be good...or at least try to. i promise to be good of you do...uhhhhhh....well maybe =p

 
1 more thing

totally forgot to mention that the dashboard/weezer concert kicked ass! i love dashboard! chris carraba is so cute! i love weezer! they fuckin rock and rivers is hella funny.

good things: kick ass music, happy to take my cousin vince to his 1st concert!, kick ass music!
bad things: lady next to me was very rude about me smoking, instead of asking me to kindly put it out..she kind of tried to subtly cough her disgruntledness-bitch was lucky i didn't blow the smoke at her! waiting in the parkin lot for a fuckin hour to finally leave verizon wireless ampitheater. and getting lost trying to find karen's party!

otherwise... it was good times, good times!

 
crud muffins

so i totally had my chance to ask for the number and just when i was going too...he left! boo...okay i need to do this. just buck up elaine and ask. really who says "buck up" nowadays. okay now i'm having a conversation with myself. hmm...but isn't what this blog is anyhow? okay okay...enough of this madness ... sorry!

i was venting all this crap to my co-worker patrick and he said to me, "you're crazy aren't you?" and my response was to shrugg my shoulders and say, "uh well yeah a little. i'm a tad bit neurotic." i know for some of you a "tad" isn't exactly the right adjective, but hey at least i know i'm neuoritc okay!

oh hey i saw jason ackermann's twin the del taco guy at borders today! so there's my celeb siting for today. he's a full-on celeb to me, and the fact that he's jason's twin gives him bonus points! he's suprisingly short though...way shorter than jason! hehe j/k i love ya granpa jay!

spent time with ivy and jen today. we got coffee bean and then went across the street at the taco bell/pizza hut to sit and talk. the crowd at the bean was just bleh to me. (i felt really really brown. the fact that my entire head is in braids right now didn't help that out..also my really really brown skin did something to make me stand out. ) so we talked about jen's europe trip and how i fucked up this whole guy thing (we concluded that nothing's really fucked up...i'm just a big chicken!) and then after a while we went back to jen's house and talked for a while. we talked about jen's trip some more, how she bought a lot of clothes and accessories (thus me saying what everyone was thinking: jen has style now!), talked about the "boys" in depth, reminsced about our 8th grade class (where are they now type thing), wondered how we were so close with some people, and now we have no clue what and where these people are. and all of this took place in jen's house that was so hot!

and if you're in the valley if feels like the devil's crotch right now. its sooooo gawd awful hot. i just want to sit in a pool and melt away. right about now my wrap-around porch with a porch swing and a nice tall glass of lemonade is sounding oh so nice!

hope everyone else is staying cool somehow...but even smoking a cigarette has no effect! (damnit its supposed to drop your body temp 2degrees and it has not been feeling like that at all!)

 
random moments are good

so last nite i went out with the la crew for a last big group dinner thing before vanessa goes up to sf for law school. and as i always do, i associated the moment with tv. it felt like our tv show was losing a member of the ensemble (a la friends type shows)and all the supporting cast members were there. it was good times. i can't believe that she's leaving...i can't believe that some of us are done with college. i'm gonna miss vanessa. but richard put it rightly. we dont own anyone. no matter how much you love someone they have their own lives and paths to go on. very emmy moment there.

afterwards i tried to stay up to hang out with jen but i crashed after trying to finish the secret garden...i didn't get to finish the book until this afternoon.

i've read about 11 books this summer. i'm such a nerd. i read the entire chronicles of narnia (7 books total), lovely bones, filipino american lives (something like that its about filipinos in sd), the secret garden, and the birth of cool. and i'll probably pick up something else..i do have this book i got from the conference...a couple books actually. damn...i'm a nerd!

oh and this is a random moment for ya...

me and ivy were talking about dream houses. she wanted something classic, like circa hollywood hills post wwii. i on the otherhand want a two-story 5 bedroom/4.5 bathroom house with a foyer...but most importantly this house has a wrap-around porch on both levels. i dont know why but ever since i was little i've wanted a porch, esp. a wrap-around porch. the kind of porch that is in the film "the long hot summer" with paul newman and joann woodward. something straight out of savannah, georgia. i just wanna be able to sit on my swing bench on my wrap-around porch with a nice cool glass of lemonade. doesn't that sound straight outta the south! my house would be called something like "mint julip" or something of the sort. but yeah my OTHER dream house is a brownstone in new york with a big stoop where i can sit and get my hair braided. i dont know why these are my dream houses but they just are.

and one more random moment... i love the sound of coffee being grounded. okay I KNOW this one is a weird one. at work when i grind the coffee beans i love the sound that happens when right after you've just ground some beans and you put a new filter of beans into the grinder. okay okay its hard to explain, but i just love that sound...it puts a smile on my face.

okay okay i'm just really odd, but whatever its me!

g'nite everyone =)

 
train wrecks, car wrecks, and reality tv...

reality tv=watching a train/car wreck

i just spent a good amount of my life on the show: sorority life. yeah...wow. like a train wreck couldn't take my eyes off it! exactly how i can't take my eyes off real world. and anything on E! which is funny bc before i was watching sorority life i was watching E! True Hollywood Story: Mama Cass Elliot. i can not get enough of bad tv. the other day i even sat through the anna nicole show. oh good gawd it was wonderfully horrible! the whole thing was wonderfully bad! how could you not watch anna nicole smith attempt to fit herself into every bathtub in the houses she was lookin to buy, or chase after her dog in a ball gown and then get her large arse stuck between the legs of a coffee table or how drugged out she seemed...all the fuckin time!

ok just an observation that i'd like to share...
proceed with you day, hopefully it's a good one!

 
ohmylanta!

when i said no stress no mess, things turn around.

so the iced latte boy that i'd given up on came in today. we talked for a lil bit, mentioned that i was leaving soon and he said that it would be "tragic" totally did a dance for joy in the back room, bc hey...him saying that me leaving would be tragic is a good thing no??? it means that he'd miss me rite ?? ok so i made a bet w/mike. i hafta ask iced latte boy for his number by the end of this week, if not i owe mike dinner, if i do mike will pay for dinner. arggghhhhh i will get this done! i'm determined, if not...oh wells its all good, no worries i'll just be a nerd and ask him the next time the guy comes in...i hope!

saw SIGNS with ivy at the grove...as usual the grove pleased my shopping experience. that place can do no wrong i tell you! signs was a good flick. i chewed my nails to bits bc i was so freakin nervous throughout the whole thing, but it was the good nervous where you just sit through the anticipation and wait for some strange twist to unfold before your eyes.

oh and if you're reading this...please do a moment of silence because a los angeles legend has passed. the great CHICK HEARNS of LOS ANGELES LAKERS fame has passed away.

me and ivy were on our way to the grove when the radio mentioned that chick had just passed away. i dont watch the news so i had no clue what was going on. i got vaklempt...for reals though i did! i mean i fuckin grew up listening to chick and the lakers, that's a piece of freakin la history...its really a part of my childhood has just left me.

some of my favorite childhood memories consist of me watchin the la lakers on channel 4 or channel 9 and listening to chick's play by plays...

rest in peace chick hearns...la will certainly miss you

 
time to chill...

man oh man...i sound very angry and bitter. no more. time to chill.

no more angry elaine. gotta stop that.

i will be more relaxed.
i will be more chill
no stress no mess

the days will soon turn brighter...

hopefully ;)

 
arghhhh

the more i'm at home, the more i realize that i need to get out of here. i was having an ok evening and i brought up with the 'rents the idea of getting a laptop and using loan check dough to finance it. this brought on my mom berating me with how incompetent i am with my things and why i shouldn't be allowed to won a laptop. ok..she could've just fuckin said no. but she had to weasle her way out of it by putting me down. that's so fuckin wack...and a big reason in which why i have to leave this house. she went on and on, on how my computer and printer are broken. first off my computer...if any of you have seen it...is sooo fuckin old. my cousin rebuilt it the summer before my freshman year. it doesn't even have spell check for christs sake! my printer...is a big hunk of junk and doesn't even print. we got all this shit in like '92 or '93...its 10 fuckin years old, but she blames my carelessness for it breaking down. ITS TEN FUCKIN YEARS OLD!!! SHIT BREAKS WOMAN!!!

okay okay...enough of me and my complaining about it...i'll just have to find my own way of getting this laptop...or a new computer in general. you'd think being an only child i'd be spoiled rotten and get everything i want right?? WRONG...

arghh...what really burns my britches (yes i used the old epitaph...leave me alone...i'm a nerd!) is that she bitches and whines about the shit i buy, shit which they (meaning my parents) enjoy using...like my dvd player (before they bought their own) and all my dvds (which they don't complain about when they're watching)

i dont know what they fuckin want really. i am not the perfect daughter that they envisioned, but really who fuckin is the perfect daughter? what standard are they holding me to? if it were up to them i'd be an impecable student with absolutely no social life...ain't no way that's fuckin happening.


arghhhh. ok that's it, i can't write anymore. i'm getting all angry all over again just thinking about all this stupid shit.

arghhh