back in the day
when i was young
i'm not a kid anymore
but some days
i really wish
i was a kid again...
=======================================================
UCcloud9: hey do u remems pistol petes in the valley?
genebebang: yea!
UCcloud9: didnt elementary school hold stuff there?
genebebang: hmm..i think they did before it got too ghetto
genebebang: is it still alive?
UCcloud9: is it still there?
UCcloud9: lol
genebebang: iono man
UCcloud9: yeah i dunno either
genebebang: haha
genebebang: i went tehre 6th gr
genebebang: wid my GALS
genebebang: hahahhahaha
UCcloud9: i dont think i ever went there
UCcloud9: but i drove by it i think
genebebang: it was the SPOT
genebebang: hahahahha
UCcloud9: wasnt it near the really bad target?
UCcloud9: in pacoima?
genebebang: they had cool games
genebebang: YEA!
UCcloud9: hahah i always heard that
UCcloud9: man oh man i wonder if its still there
genebebang: we should check it out!
genebebang: hahah
UCcloud9: seriously!
genebebang: if not...chuck e cheese it is!
UCcloud9: i just might
UCcloud9: hahaha
UCcloud9: yeah the old school one near poly!!!
UCcloud9: i remems going there
genebebang: hell ye
UCcloud9: after bbll practice on half days!
UCcloud9: hahaha
genebebang: now its all high tech now
genebebang: YEA!!!!!!!!!
UCcloud9: no way!
genebebang: yummmm
UCcloud9: hahah
genebebang: well they r all updated adn shit
genebebang: new games
UCcloud9: dayam
genebebang: and cool tube slides
UCcloud9: what the hell we didnt have that shit!
genebebang: remember way back when when it was hella big
genebebang: and there were flags all around
genebebang: ?
UCcloud9: maybe it was big bc we were hella small
UCcloud9: yeah i do remems that
genebebang: yea...prolly
genebebang: we were hella small
genebebang: haha
UCcloud9: man that was a while back
genebebang: hell yea!\
UCcloud9: good times tho good times
genebebang: hahah..

reminsce part ii
UCcloud9: sometimes i wish i could relive those fun times in the valley
genebebang: I KNO!!
UCcloud9: life was hella simpler then
genebebang: when we didnt care bout anything
UCcloud9: and even if we ran the risk of gettin shot by gangsters
UCcloud9: we still had fun!
UCcloud9: yeah...the drive by's...gang brawls...flashin signs...
UCcloud9: ahh yes...st. genevieve elementary/high school
UCcloud9: good times good times
UCcloud9: :-)
genebebang: and teh FIESTAS
genebebang: haha
UCcloud9: lol
UCcloud9: yeah how can u have a fiesta with out monkey cages or a salt n pepper shaker?
UCcloud9: or that thing that went around in circles or octupus!
genebebang: I KNO!
UCcloud9: the whole point was wonderin if you were gonna survive the ride or not!
UCcloud9: hahahaa
UCcloud9: never knowing if those janky things was gonna break was half the fun!
genebebang: i kno
genebebang: FUN TIMES!

 
my christmas list
i know this is kinda early...

*a dv camera
*a lifetime carton of smokes
*a g4 for editing
*a homebase editing bay
*a clean room (yeah right huh guys??)
*a lifetime supply of earl grey/darjeeling/english or irish breakfast tea
*a camera (you know...the old school antique kind that takes regular photos? not digital ones??)
*great friends and a loving family
-----scratch that....already gots those
*for my moms to wake up and recover

maraming mahal

 
deep thoughts

what a world...

 
DJQwakQwak: i can always depend on you for such wonderful insights
UCcloud9: yes
UCcloud9: i know
UCcloud9: i'm a genius
DJQwakQwak: and i'm the god of sexy
UCcloud9: ehh
UCcloud9: no
UCcloud9: bc then ud get that girl u like easypeasy
DJQwakQwak: haha
UCcloud9: and we all know thats not happening ANY TIME soon

 
late nite bites

got to hang out with mikey for a bit. havent seen that fool for a while so it was good times good times. drove around for a bit bc we couldnt decide what to do. ended up at donut star on alton and jeffrey, the only 24 hr spot in all of irvine. i got an "eclair" eclair in apostrophe's bc basically it was a chocolate donut bar split in half with whip cream in the middle...gelatanous and hardened whipped cream at that. mikey had a gingery buttermilk donut thing. i impressed him with my random knowledge of donut crap and my slowness of course...and he of course was a meanie j/k he wasnt he was just being mikey. funny to think that this guy's "slowed" down. i used to think of him as this crazy party guy, now he's grandpa mike sleepin at 11 or 12 gettin up at 5 to get to class in fullerton. feel better dude, go see a doctor for that back.

i love friends like mikey. stupid asshole friends who's antics never get too old. hahah just kidding dude. what i mean is friends who you dont see or talk to for a while and then when you kick it, its like no time has passed. i think i've wrote about this about otro personas, but yeah...that boy's that kind of friend.

peace and blessings

 
lucky penny, lucky day

today while i was waiting for spanish class to start i saw a penny on the bench i was sitting at. so i picked it up. i figured i could use some good luck today. so i went to spanish class and got through that. i went to phil poetry and got through that. it was hard to get through class when all i was thinking about was getting to the hospital. (sorry if i seemed bitchy to the corner of the class ppls, didnt mean to.) didnt get on the road until after talkin to rex...thanks for the words man. and gettin some smokes...i had just run out.

i got to the hospital and talked with my pops. i know he's not sleeping so i'm trying to be there for him as much as i can. my mom still looked the same. i dont know what any of those fuckin machines say, but my dads amazing bc all of a sudden he knows whats going on and even the nurses mistakenly call him "dr. dolalas." my tita nenette and tito mike came by today...there like my 2nd mom and dad. i'm glad they came by and brought food ... yay...when they got there my dad had to come out and look for me. he asked why i didnt say hi to them. well i was smoking when my dad saw me, which meant i would have been smoking when my tita saw me. and i'm scared of what she'll say so i hid behind a directory thingy! my dad started laughing at me for that. he started to tease me and said that he was going to tell her...i freaked out!! i dont think he told her though. (the reason for my fear is that when my tito mike used to smoke my tita nenette broke all of his cigarettes that he hid in the garage...in half. 400 cigarettes...eek you'd be scared too!)

i was able to stay in mom's room for a good while. i usually freak out and start crying. but this time i didnt. i just stayed there and prayed and watched over her. my ate leah told me that she's probably having fun with my lola, tito femio, and tita remy right now. i told them to take care of her, but to send her home bc me and daddy still need her. then i rememberd my fourth grade teacher sister elvira. she taught us to pray to our guardian angels and how each and everyone of us has our own angel. most of you know that i'm not that religious and i've strayed from the faith. but for some reason, as i sat there, i remembered sister elvira telling us to pray to our guardian angels when we were in trouble. so i said a little prayer and asked my guardian angel to look over my moms...take a break from me for awhile i guess. and then i prayed to my moms guardian angel to look out for her and to make sure that the machines all work right and that she gets better. after that i hung out with my family in the waiting room, watching the simpsons, king of the hill, and the pyramid.

my dad reminsced today about how he first met my mom. it was at the bank that they worked at in the philippines. my mom was hella stubborn about my dad walking her home for lunch. so my dad let her get lost and when they returned to work that afternoon my dad rubbed it in my moms face on how she was lost. then it hit me. no matter what...my mom is loved and cared about. the person i knew may be lost, but her spirit is in me and my dad and the rest of the people she touched. no one, nothing, not even this stroke, can take that away from her.

so as i drove home tonight i felt this peace in my heart. i felt calm. i'm not angry/sad at the world, at god, at whatever anymore. its going to be ok, no matter what the outcome is. if i shed a few more tears, then i shed a few more tears...but its only because i love my mom and all who care about her.

special thanks to my OTERO resis. thanks for the phone calls, ims, and emails from you! i HEART you all soooo much. thanks for caring about me and keeping my mom and my family in your prayers.

see a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck

i'm feeling really good right now. i even bought a lottery ticket today at albertsons. the cashier was said that they actually closed the lottery machine at 9pm, and i got there just in time...she sad "you must be lucky." two of my numbes are 09-12 9/12...my bday hehe...

maybe i am lucky

love and blessings

 
thank you for all your concerns and prayers. it means a lot.
i'll be traveling back and forth between irvine and the valley a lot now so if you need me hit up my cell. it might take me awhile bc i have to turn my cell off when i'm in the hospital, but i check it frequently when i take smoke breaks.

the ims, phone messages, and hugs are greatly appreciated.

smoke breaks and tragic kingdom/pity party buddies are welcomed at this station.

i figure humor and music are the ways i'll get through this situation.
and my journal of course...
so if you see me scribbling like mad in my black book i'm probably angry/ sad at the world and need a smoke/laugh. feel free to offer cigs or fall on your ass jackass style to make me smile! ;)

much love and thanks

 
everything has changed. everything is different. and i dont know how im going to make it through this, but all i know is that i have to.

mommy please wake up
mommy please get well
mommy please dont leave me and daddy
mommy i need you still
i dont want you to go
i cant stop crying
please please dont go

 
numb

i feel extremely numb right now.

in the next couple months i'm going to have to "act normal" whatever that means for me...

i know this is a cryptic blog right now, but i cant explain the details to why i'm like this at the moment.

something bad happened and i feel numb.

and i just learned that you should say "i love you" to those you care about when you can, bc you never know when you have that blessing will be taken away from you.

so if you're reading this that means you're my friend or a homie or a family member of mine...

and i just wanted to tell you now, if i dont get to tell you later on or in person...

i love you

 
scary movies + old friends + donuts = good times

so the ra reunion turned out to be just me, caren, bee, papajames, sara, and wen li for alil bit...bc she had to study for her gre test tomorrow! eek goodluck wenleezy!

it was good times we chilled at caren's then it was off to the block to watch the ring. my dinner consisted of coke and popcorn, a healthy mix no? the ring was good. and the fact that it was in english and i didnt fall asleep through most it probably helped out a bit! i've seen the japanese original twice and fell asleep both times, but i still was scared shitless bc i always seemed to wake up at the most freakiest of parts in the movie. then after the movie was over it was off to find an open boba place...negative on that. boba spots were all closed. so it was off to the only 24hr donut shop in irvine, according to sara that is. quite tasty. we ate our yummy donuts at bee's apt, which is quite spacious btw. and we hung around and watched bits and pieces of selena (commenting on jlo's arse and selena's choice of attire), the end of say anything (yay john cusack...he rules! "i gave her my heart and she gave me a pen...in your eyes...dont be a guy lloyd, be a man...), and parts of the might ducks 2 and eat a bowl of tea.

it was most definitely good times. a lot of laughing and smiles. must do it again with more ppls.

okay time to write my conclusion....hehe lates mates!

 
one song glory

RENT...get the soundtrack, see the show...

i'm listening to it right now. and its amazing how the lyrics to the show still remain in my brain. i know i saw it about amillion years ago, but i loved it so much...no no i love it so much.

as mike as persistently pointed out...yes i am a high school drama kid nerd. i cant help it. it was good times...being on stage, making jackass of myself, singing in front of ppls...what can i say...it was fun.

listening to RENT brings back all those memories and makes me wanna go out and do those open cast call auditions that i wanted to do in high school, but was too chickenshit to go through with.

ahhh yes the things i can randomly think of when i should be writing papeles para escuela.

 
why is it?

that my parents constantly tell me that we're hella broke, but when i come home i see this big ass 35inch flat screen tv in my house?
or
that my family **meaning extended: lolo, titas, titos, cousins, and nieces and nephews** is supposedly poor ass folk, but my lolo can pay for a big ol'shindig dinner at a chinese restaurant?
or
i say i'm gonna get started on these motha fuckin papers early, but pull all nighters the night before?
or
i get stuck in mad drama that i'm not really a part of, only to realize that it isnt even mad drama==its just drama bc other ppl or too busy concerning themselves in other ppls business
or
that i keep meeting ppls who are just as cracked out/random as fuck as me and...well that ain't necessarily a negative...
or
that nic ramos wont update his blog bc goddamn i'm sick'n'tired of lookin at what was going in his life on august 27th, 2002?
or
that mike can't seem to shake his "no game" mantra, when all he has to do is just say hi
or
that we (nic and me) keep sayin "lookin like who shot john" bc we are supposedly above everyone?
or
that i can be so gosh darn random as fuck all the fuckin time?
or
that i keep using expletives all the fuckin time and i end up scaring newbies who meet me bc i "smile like a saint, but i curse like a sailor"
or
that life keeps throwing curve balls, when all i want are fast ball pitches
or
that i go from this to that at the drop of a hat
or
that i can sit here and write all this shit out, but not work on my paper

man oh man
why is it?

 
lookin like who shot john...

so today was fun, kickin it with nic and mike. lunch and a movie, bowling for columbine by michael moore. very good film. makes me dislike guns (disappointing my dad bc he has a lot of'em), think charleston heston is the shit (bc he's so gosh darn funny/scary), wanna move to canada (damn those ppl never lock their doors and their crimes/death by guns is so freakin low for all the guns that are in that country [also they have free healthcare and education bc they pay mad taxes, but still...]), and think michael moore is a genius. yes he is a genius since he and two victims from the columbine tragedy got kmart to stop selling all ammunitions in their stores.

also nic made an interesting comment about the ppls i know. he noticed that i know a lot of random ppls at school. hey i dunno why, i'm a friendly person. its the diplomatic/politician in me i guess (thanks pops). there is also a criteria for me knowing these ppl they
a) look like they just woke up
b) are as quirky/weird/random as me or in other words have an "elaine" type style
c) are white
d) were a boy i used to like at some point or another
e) are gay

this was brought up since i said hi to my friend eric, who happens to be white and dresses kinda punk style i guess. nic just noticed that i say hi to all these random people. he brought up the example how we might be walking and there'll be a bunch of random white folk who you would think i wouldnt know, but yes i do know them...

my response to this is that i actually make friends other than the ppls i am affliated with through clubs and stuff. like my film studies buddies are ppls that you would think i wouldnt know. they're white, one of them is gay, and have their own unique style.

my rational for all these points is...

a) i meet many of these ppls when i've just woken up
b) i'm drawn to people who have the "elaine" style which nic explains is this mix and match of urban meets preppy meets skater meets punk...whatever that means
c) i used to go to this exclusive private school in the valley called pinecrest and most of my friends were either white or black...so it brings me back to good old days i guess
d) i've crushed on a lot of boys...hey boys are cute!
e) i'm a faghag. i dont understand it, but a lot of the times i gravitate towards the gay mens...they're just as bitchy as me i guess

yeah...fun times now i'm trying to right a paper. and i'm avoiding it by bloggin (obvious right?) so there will probably be mad posts for tonight...

more randomness laters on

 
DJQwakQwak: hah i'm so warm i'm gonna open my window now
UCcloud9: oh you fuckin bastard
DJQwakQwak: wtf?
DJQwakQwak: stop taht
UCcloud9: YOU AS
UCcloud9: ASS
UCcloud9: ASSSSSS
DJQwakQwak: hah think i'll make some hot chocolate now
UCcloud9: YOU FUCKIN BASTARD
UCcloud9: that sucks
DJQwakQwak: maybe just ovaltine... its too warm in here as it is
UCcloud9: i'mf reezing
UCcloud9: damn you
DJQwakQwak: hah solly
UCcloud9: damn you to hell
UCcloud9: actually
UCcloud9: no i'm going to hell
UCcloud9: id ont want you there
UCcloud9: so go to purgatory!
DJQwakQwak: hah wow.... i feel the love
DJQwakQwak: no wait... i feel my space heater
DJQwakQwak: :-D
UCcloud9: ***middle finger***
DJQwakQwak: ******big toothy grin********
DJQwakQwak: *********followed by uncontrollable laughter and a pointing finger*************
UCcloud9: fuck you
UCcloud9: you suck
UCcloud9: you drive heave suck
DJQwakQwak: hah
UCcloud9: and thats worse than blowing big chunks bc its more painful
DJQwakQwak: damn... gettin violent
UCcloud9: hell yeah
UCcloud9: your making fun of my frostbitten feet
UCcloud9: and shit
UCcloud9: dry heave!
UCcloud9: dry heave damnit

you're an asshole damnit mike!

 
Saluhmoon: nice guys finish last
Saluhmoon: sometimes it's true
UCcloud9: thats so sad
Saluhmoon: but nice girls finish last too
UCcloud9: i wish they didnt
UCcloud9: haha
UCcloud9: true ture
UCcloud9: perhaps is why i finish last?
UCcloud9: hmmm...
Saluhmoon: you need to find yourself a nice boy
UCcloud9: where?
Saluhmoon: I don't know!
Saluhmoon: just make sure they'r enot gay
UCcloud9: hahhaha
UCcloud9: yes ma'am



yay for jen and her advice. thats what best friends are for i guess!

 
hot damn...time for some randomness

being duty coord in the av rec room is cool when ya got a 'puter that works and msn.com games

papers are written well when i am under the influence of either illegal substances (weed) or alcohol

i still dislike working at borders, but shit free cds and coffee, plus a check to boot? shiit pays the bills

andy has the cutest hawaiian dog ever. or at least temp hawaiian dog. are hawaiian dogs cuter than non hawaiian dogs? and why is everything in that house "hawaiian" when do they go back to hawaii do they call everything here californian dogs?

jason sucks for showing me that scary face thing that i've already seen

sorry nic for pulling the best friend card on you so much...you know i love you, but update your blog already damnit!

alex is my saving grace thru my pms stress

i miss my banana's crew, sunday crew, snakebite posse, basically mesa ra staff '01-'02 = /

my lolo is turning 94 on friday and i'm going to his bday shindig. i figure i should since he's hella old and he might not be around much longer. better get my kick it time while he still knows who i am.

damn 94 is a long ass time, my lolo is almost a c-note

mike is a total nerd. you want a furby? a lil late...isnt that so late 90s of you?

ivy gets a new matrix, yay!! now the la crew can visit me and not worry that loqueifa will die on the car ride down here

yay for jen for agreeing to be my illustrator on my "kids" book

okay i think thats enough brain farts for now. time to resume online surfing
niters all

 
thao's crazy!

so my friend thao is looking for the title of this song that they play on 94.3. and she won't call the station and ask!

but she does know that the chorus is==
abbyuci: "ami gonna be lonely for the rest of my liiiife..."

if you know the title of the song im me, UCcloud9, or thao, abbyuci

so thao can stop buggin me about it when she should be reading for her midterm and interrupting me while i'm doing my paper!!!

=p happy now thao

I FOUND IT!!! and i didnt even have to call 94.3

COME AROUND by RHETT MILLER

ya happy thao?!?!?! =p

 
junior high and high school

so have you ever had that feeling, where you know ppls were looking at you and you just didnt say whats up to them? ok everyone's must've done that some time in their lives. its very junior high/high school i know. but for some reason, i still do it to some ppls. its like they catch me at the wrong time.

for example i was walking with emil to the food court today to get some 99cent whatever they had, and i saw mike and this other guy from my phil poetry class (i think his name is eros), kickin it at the hip hop section of the terrace and made eye contact...but i couldnt say hi, bc i was already in a conversation with emil. i didnt wanna be rude to emil, but then i didnt say whats up to those two fellas. oh well...i wasnt snobbin ya i swear! me and emil were plotting and putting together our creative heads together...sorry = /

apologies also go out to all those who have witnessed me in my terrible mood swings, all meaning alex! sorry buddy, thanks for the smoke break tho, it definitely helped even though i'm smokin nasty ass marlboro milds.

and i'm truly grateful to all those who listened to me bitch: alex, mikey for a lil bit, nic for a lil bit, and jen

thanks and oscar meyer franks
peace

 
bleh bug

i should be doing a whole list of other things like studying, writing two papers that are due friday, reading, going to a bday shindig for one of my residents.

but i've caught that bug of bleh. i dont wanna do anything that i have to do. i wanna go somewhere, anywhere but here. and sit and smoke cigarettes, drink coffee, and write in my journal.

that or i want to go to the arc and run a mile and do the eliptical machine until i drop.

arghh whats wrong with me?!?!?! i think im on an emotional roller coaster at the moment. perhaps that damn thing called menstration is affecting my mentality. sorry to be so graphic but yes, as cher from clueless would put it, i'm riding the crimson tide.

and i'm pissed bc i thought i had duty today, but i didnt. so i rushed to get back here for nothing. i could've gone out with my parents to some new filipino restaurant in glendale and got some pretty tasty food, but i cant anymore bc i'm already in the vine and my parents wouldn't appreciate me driving back and forth.

and i wanna go to la and goof off, but i'm at half a tank of gas and i just filled up last friday.

fucccckkkkkkkkk.....

bleh i think i just need to drive somewhere and write. nothing academic, just write. i need to find some peace of mind, bc i'm on a strange wave of thoughts right now.

bleh

 
So, wherever you're at
I'll make you see
That I just want you back
I miss you
--miss you; by the rocking horse winner

i'm in that zone again of missing all my friends again. its strange, but i think i like the whole "missing someone" process, better than reunions. lemme explain. when you're at reunions all you do is reminsce with the people you're with about the good times you've shared, but then you have to go back to your normal life and the realization that all those good times arent gonna happen anymore saddens me. i'd rather miss someone and think about the good times on my own andrather than through the ordeal of seeing everyone and realize that what you all shared is gone. bc its odd when you get back together bc it takes a lil time to get into the swing of how things used to work in your friendship. ( i'm not dissin reunions though, bc that swing of things does come back )

depressing huh? sorry. its just that i've been driving a lot lately, which leads me to thinking a lot. and thats the conclusion i came to. prof claire kim said in class that in college you go through a whole spectrum of friends. some of whom only are around for a quarter, a year, but quite possibly a lifetime. with a lot of the people i know i used to be scared that my friendships with them were only for the moment. but then i realized that even if it is for only a moment, i'm glad for that moment. because that means in that moment i cared about someone and someone cared about me. and i get to miss them later on.

its a strange thing i know. sorry if you dont get it, sometimes i dont even get it...

 
worry warts

in the past i've been the ultimate worry wart. i cant help but think things will go wrong. for instance right now. i feel like i'm forgetting something, but i dont know what. eek. bleh

come visit me at work if your in the south coast plaza area. i shall be serving as your happy ::said with a sarcastic tone of course:: barista at the borders cafe from 130-8pm...

boo on the fact that i'm missing la symphony and the pharcyde. if any of you irvine folk love me you'll pick up some nifty things at the show for me =p

time for school, lates

 
late night bites

my tummy is full from lee's sandwiches. yay for 24 hour places in westminster. yay for 1.75 vietnamese sandwiches. boo to the peppers that they put in there tho bc my lips are still burning from them.. you know i cant hang with the spicey spice!

today's been a food day. i had lunch with jane and debby today at the tofu house near tapioca on walnut and jefferey. yummy soon tofu bowl. haven't had that in a while. it made my tummy very happy to eat that today.

and then anthony got me my hat! yay anthony for his discount at gap! i shall be sporting it some time next week hopefully...perhaps at my lolo's bday shindig.

my lolo is turning 94 years young this friday. he's the only grandparent i have left. its funny even though he's that age i still think of him as the 65 year old man who would take me with him on the bus to church or to run errands with my lola. he still looks young though. yay for asian blood, for you never look your age. i'm glad to get next friday off because i missed lolo's bday celebration last year and i wanted to make this one. i dont know how long my lolo has left, so i'm going to enjoy his company for as long as possible. my lolo's led an interesting life. i guess he was part of the philippine upper crust. he used to work for the president of the philippines back in the day, had dinners with him and i think played golf with him too. one thing that my lolo can do that amazes me is that he can peel a shrimp with a fork and a spoon. he can do that to fried chicken too! its all those presidential dinners where you couldnt eat with your hands. i know he probably thinks we're a bunch of savages when we tear into our food with our hands, but we didnt learn how to eat so properly. it looks so cool when he does it, me and my cousins are so easily amused!

i work from 130-8, whichmeans i miss the entire octoberfest thing. boo bc la symphony and the pharcyde are gonna be there. boo i really wanna see that. i might head over during my lunch break.

supposed to go sake bombing with the old roomies, dont know if i can anymore. no dinero. if i go i just might hang out and not drink. i havent been in a drinking mood in a while.

i've been taking naps a lot lately. yay.

i've been going to the arc a lot lately too. too bad going to the arc hasnt exactly worked on me cutting back on smoking...i'm still a lil chimney.

i think thats all for now. gnite folks, have a good weekend everyone!

 
so i just got one of these tag board thingys feel free to use it to comment on my crazy comments/ brain farts on life...

 



What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.


is this true???

arghhhh...yeah it is heh =p

 
In the simplest terms in the most convenient definitions of what we found out. That each of us is a brain, an athlete, a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal.
Sincerely yours,
The Breakfast Club

i think i'm fallin into that trap again. that trap that is the college bubble that consumes us. i know that there is more to life than what my campus has to offer, than even what my friends have to offer. i just have to take the step to find it. too bad by taking that step, i most likely will lose my parking space and then have to park in the buttcrack parking lot and walk millions of miles from my house. ok well maybe i'm exxaggerating a little bit there.

but honestly, i can think of dozens of reasons as to why i won't step out of the bubble: its fun, its easy, its convenient, its school, its friends, its a whole lot of things. and i think it would be more stressful for me to venture out of the bubble.

in other words, i'm simply afraid.

and if you aren't afraid, then by golly good luck to you man or woman.

i just find that its taking more of an effort to do anything new nowadays. face it i'm old and i've reached the point where i like what i like, and i dont want to change any of that. but i'm stll going to try. i'm going to try to be on top of paperwork, on top of reading for school, pretty much on top of a lot of things. i'm going to try not to mettle in everyone elses life and blame it on the fact that i'm a good friend. because even good intentions can lead to bad repurcussions. and although it might seem like caring a lot, it could seem like mettling to the one i'm so concerned about.

i know i'm just saying this now, but i truly want to do this. its time for a change. and i guess the only time for change is now.

peace.

 
grammar nazi no more

hey i never said i was the grammar nazi, that's what crazy andy in la said about me. and today he caught my mistake of using "your" instead of "you're" i'm not gonna defend or deny that i made the mistake. well its fixed now you nerd. now i'm gonna be paranoid about my grammar on my blog, thanks a lot andy!! but hey at least now i have the motivation to be quasi-decent with my grammar, because i dont think i was too picky about my own grammar before. its easy to point fingers at everyone else...heard that once on an old sitcome somewhere...

just got in from dinner at claim jumpers for my pops' bday tomorrow. he's 54 years young. yay my pops. we had a dope ass meal and i got to take home all the leftovers. yay leftovers. so i'll be consuming ribs and fish&chips for the next couple of days, thanks to good ol'mom and pop and the lovely chefs at claim jumpers. i really wanted dessert there so bad. but the slices there are mondo-large and it would've been just me eating it since my pop can't have any bc of his health and my mom doesn't like sweets. boo oh well, at least i have my leftovers.

then before i was to head towards the vine i went to borders359 sherman oaks to see who was around. only a few of the ppls i knew were there like preston and toby. but it was cool. preston gave me the zero7 cd that i dig so much. so yay for preston. he's making bank now as a film courier, so he's only working one day a week at the store. lucky bastard. toby's still toby. he's still into the action films that the male population all find interesting. there's a new guy, jake, in the cafe. he's one half of my replacement since mike m. hired some other chick as well. jake's cool...already can do a mike m. impersonation and already knows that mike k. and our general manager robert is a complete biatch. he also was quite the cuite...hmm, the eye candy may have been minimal in the customers, but he sure was nice on the eyes. =p

then i made another pit stop in la. had yummy caramel rootiea tea from coffee bean with jen. i was amazed at how a crowded it was and how the people seemed to be over 25 and armenian. i wondered if it was in the culture to go out at night and have coffee and shoot the breeze. it was quite interesting. gonna half to ask one about that. jen had this cake that was basically like tiramisu, but with banana. ohhhh so fabulous. very very scumptious. too bad the coffee beans out here dont carry that! had a good talk with jen. yay jen. i kept her from studying though, sorry

well i'm off to bed, i'm gonna attempt to get up at 7 to go to the arc (its like wooden for all those ucla ppls who read this) and work out and get a little reading done before class.

niters...

 
hurricane move furniture...

so i just moved my desk into my bedroom and now the whole place looks like a hurricane came and left my poor room. its entitled to a good vaccumming right now. i was supposed to surprise the 'rents by meeting them at church today, but since its 1130 right now i dont think thats gonna happen. my mom woke me up at 8AM!!! to ask me questions about my computer. i probably had attitude, but i was freakin groggy. i didnt bother to argue with her though bc i'm still on this whole "i'm going to please my parents because i've fucked up extremely badly" tip. and yes that is the official title for the syndrome i'm going through.

i totally didnt do anything academically productive yesterday. on friday i had dinner with jen and ivy and then we had our heart to heart conversation. it went very well. quite proud of the three of us, that we were able to finally talk about the issues that we needed to talk about. to some it all up: epiphanies were made, edges werent exactly smoothed over, but are in the process of being healed, i'm a genius at 3am, followed by a bout of delirium. (apologies to the brockton gals: michelle, ericka, and irene, kim, and vdg who arrived later. sorry you had to endure our loud voices. i know we're all loud peoples )

but anyhoo afterwards on sat i did absolutely nothing. hung around the brockton pad and couldnt get my ass outta bed to go back to irvine! a tacobell/pizza hut run later and i was out. headingback to the vine and to hanging out with alex. who was a major biatch. he didnt wanna hang out with mike and his friend andy bc he didntknow who andy was. but it worked out ok bc they went and saw rules of attraction at like 6 or 7ish (sorry grandpas but me and alex dont do that...) so alex and i went to the block of orange, where all teenagers had to get there under ages asses outta therebecause they have an announcer that states that the curfew is 10pm and if you dont have your mommies and your daddies you better get the fuck out! me and alex were so bad. we wanted to narc on all the little brats that were still roamin around the block. i swear the more i hang out with alex the more bitcher i become. we saw red dragon. really good flick. and yes you see ralph fiennes' peepee but its only in the shadows so you can still retain your manhood if you see this movie (**cough**andy**cough cough) oh and thats you: ucla andy, not to be confused with mike's friend andy.

kudos to random convo's with old friends last night. alex from work. yes you need to get a new job and i will fully support your phone sex operation. i'm telling you you'll be rolling in dough! oh and yes whale sperm makes the ocean salty, so dont swallow too much. and andy from ucla. see i appreciate you for more than your computer fixing skills, unlike the other ppls (j/k =p since i've never asked you to fix my 'puter...well just yet anyhow) who else would be your grammar nazi??? if you really were gonna be an english major you'd think you would have caught that too many have words mistakes. oh and too much bacardi 151 = major hangover, so i hope you're feeling ok right now

oh an yay to michelle because she can see outta her right eye now!!! =)

think i'm gonna clean a bit or try to clean a bit.

bye bye tinapay
(that means bye bye bread for all those non-understanding of tagalog ppls...sounds better in tagalog, no?)

 
butter v. margarine

grew up on margarine so i have no idea whats wrong with it. in fact there's this big country crock at home right now. i've always been confused whether or not thats butter or not. its great. i just had a lovely piece of french bread with some i can't believe its not butter, that came out of spray pump. i did this thing called grocery shopping. its wonderful. you go to a store and buy food for consumption later on. its so you dont have to buy food everyday! what a keen invention no?

long convo's about friendship always tire me out, but at least this time i didnt come out of it extremly frustrated. anyhoo...learned that friends come and go, it just takes practice to keep certain arounds around.

and andy....why would you even think of putting a picture of yourself in that dorky outfit???
for those of you want a fashion dont tip:

http://www.xanga.com/myxanga.asp?user=artemis_279

this is ivy's site. she's got nice comments about andy's wardrobe and my margarine fascination.

peace and thanks to vijay for signing in for me at class so i can sleep in!

 
thanks andy! good to know you think of me as a grown up =p ;)

 
school is cool...i think

so in school there were the cool kids, the ignored kid, the nerdy kids, the drama kids, themusic kids, the sporty kids...

but when you get to college...everyone had to have a modicum of brains to get to the university level. although it seems like universities take everyone, i do not think thats true. even the sporty kids here have to make a certain grade point level.

but what does that mean to the social system of school? when everyone here is supposed to be an intellectual genius, what definies somene as the "cool kid" or the "nerdy kid"?

yo no se...

when i was in kaba ... i felt like i was in the "cool" kid group, and now that i'm out...i realize that after awhile that shit doesnt matter. college isnt about your social construct. its about your education. for instance i'm procrastinating on writing my prospectus for my upper div writing class. and i'm stressing on how grad school's gonna turn out. life isn't ruled by the trivialities of the organization i sold my soul too.

this isnt me dissing it either. i think there's a time and place for everything. everyone wants to do all they can during their college experiene...whether thats join a fraternity or soroity, or a club , or be an intern , or a resident advisor, or go abroad. there's only so much one person can do in 4/5 years. i think my time and place in the club/org fields has passed. i've moved on and am looking to my future...the actual point in my life where the primary goal of my being is my career and providing for my family and myself.

sad to say it...i think that means i've grown up...

for instance this whole mishap with my'puter...i think my parents expected me to go back to my spendy ways. but i haven't bc i realize that i have to be responsible for the consequences of being an idiot. the only person to blame some time is yourself. and we can't always get what we want in life, be it material things or what not.

holy crap does this mean i've matured at some level?

i guess so.

i'm off to do my prospectus ( translation: proposal for my paper)

oh an andy this is your shout out: ANDY why are you cooking with no shirt? i still dont understand...lol

(maybe i havent matured THAT much)

 
aww cripes

so i'm functioning on four hours of sleep. i still have to read about 120 more pages for class tomorrow. my brain hurts from attempting to explain myself. and then i finally came to this conclusion.

i can only control my own life. you can only control your own life. no matter what advice people give, you have to follow your own path. but all people want some time is the acknowledgment that you listened. they know this in your words, or in your actions. but ultimately if you can't see that, than you just cant see it.

i racked my brain to attempt to find a solution to the drama situation that i found myself in. and the conclusion i came to is:

i wash my hands of it.

i wash my hands of it all. i can talk in circles until i lose my voice but it wont matter, so why bother? so fuck it. i wash my hands of this drama entirely. whatever happens happens, and those involved get to live with the consequences. i choose not to be involved.

but that doesnt mean i dont care

"sell crazy some place else. we're all stocked up here."
--As Good As It Gets

thats it...i'm through with this connundrum
i done

 
3.5 hours
talking in circles
admitting i was hurt
tempted to drop bombs
witnessing the bombs miss their target
oblivion
tired
sleep deprived
"commuter" friend
uninvolved
angry
hurt
sad
i wanna cry
cant cry
i dont cry
laugh
thats how i cope with everything
frustration
tribulation
trials
wanting understanding
i wish for a lot of things
look its 333 am
make a wish
god doesnt grant miracles
i want to walk away
i dont know if i can
i dont want to give up
even if it feels like everyone else has
u dont wanna hear what i have to say
u heard it but i dont know if u heard it
i'm tired
but i still care
fuck
==========================
"Some say that time changes,
Best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that
No not from you"
--Say Anything, Good Charlotte

 
FYI

the average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty... pass it on

i got this bit of info from KUNI...thanks buddy...only he would send me that...

lol: and yes sarah...i would only be cracked out enough to pass this info on to my friends heh =)
====================================

i'm reading / studying and mid terms or finals aren't coming up. my gawd...what's the world coming to? i think satan's freezing his arse off rite now

 
waste of time...

i just got back from the all-u conference. arghh, what a, as the title states, complete waste of time. i learned nothing new, the workshops sucked, and the food was worse. it didnt' feel like a student conference. the only students really participating were the ones who helped coordinate the conference. even then, it felt like everything was faculty or staff run. boo. i didn't even get to enjoy the hospitalities of the palm springs resort doral springs resorts or something like that. and i dont care what anyone else says...they so filmed saved by the bell there. the episode where jesse spano's dad gets married!

i spent most of the weekend wishing i was home and hanging out with the homies who were up there. ahh boo, i just shoulda stayed home and read all weekend. i got like 10 pages of reading done while i was up there!

oh well, time to read now i guess

 
bonehead, jackass, etc etc

so i just shelled out $968 to fix my laptop. fuck and i just got it!! whatevers it broke, i needed to fix it. life moves on. too bad it basically took away all my financial aid and then some. no fun times for lainey anymore. shit thats why i'm picking up more hours at borders to supplement the loss that went into my laptop.

so otherwise i'm chillin in av. the room is all artsy fartsy now. yay for art. i still need to arrange it again tho. gonna move the big old desk in my room and make my living room a lil more comfy. i dont know how but it shall be done. if it means shoe rack in the living room than so be it.

need to study more. already behind, but of course thats expeceted. and also i need to start studying for the gre's there's so many things on my imaginary things to do list, that i'm scared to actually right out a things to do list.

ok time to either read or nap or watch tv....

ahhh yes, the life of an uninvolved student...ain't it grand?

 
Say Anything--Good Charlotte

Here I am on the phone again and...
Awkward silences on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now all i feel is the pain of the fighting starting up again
All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind, on my mind
All the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time, after time, after time
Dont say a word, i know you feel the same
Just give me a sign,
say anything, say anything
Please dont walk away, i know you wanna stay
If you just giv eme a sign, say anything, say anything
Some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers
But I dont want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we could make it through
So here we are again same old argument
Now I am wondering if they will ever change
When will you laugh again, laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise 'til 3:00am
And the neighbors would complain
all the things we talk about youknow they stay on my mind on my mind
all the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time, after time, after time
Doin't say a word, I know you feel the same, just give me a sign
Say anything, say anything, say anything
Please don't walk away, i know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign,
Say anything, say anything
I'm falling, i'm falling, i'm falling down
Dont say a word, i know you feel the same
Just give me as ign say anythign say anything
Please don't walk away, i know you wanna stay
If you just give me asign, say anything,s ay anything
please dont leave

 
designing women

so i was studyin in my room today and i realized that i did not have proper lighting that would be conducive to studying. the florescent lights in my room were not giving enough light to read, causing my eyes to strain and give me a headache. so it was off to target i go in search of a cheap desk lamp. oh how i love target. i found a desk lamp for 5.58 and a floor lamp for 6.68 and so i spent roughly 13 bux on lamps. yay. i so wanted to buy more to spiff-i-fy my room, but it was coming close to ten pm and target was closing. i didn't wanna be one of those bastard customers who linger and all the employees wanna do is leave so i cut out of there pretty fast, but i saw some other finds that will have to be bought later on. example: they have the butterfly chair frame/cover for 20total (chair frame 10/cover 10)

too bad i forgot to buy light bulbs and the floor lamp didn't come with bulbs. so it was off to ralphs and i got me some nice "soft pleasing light" bulbs. not making that up, that's what it says on the box. came home, put up the lamps had some dinner and then started to read again, when i was interrupted by the urge to decorate. damn that urge! i found these paper lantern lights that i had bought a while back so i put that together and hung it up. decided to put this piece of cloth that i usually tie around my ass when i wear jeans, (the black one with flowers, kinda looks like a kimono print of sorts) up in my living room. it looks like the tapestry stuff that they sell at urban outfitters. tapestry = nice piece of cloth that u hang on your walls. i also decided to finally put up my posters. the chairman of the board, frank sinatra-for those who dont know the pop culture reference, and his rat pack up. bogie and bergman are up in casablanca. and my 80s section of my room is the brat pack cerca breakfast club and my say anything poster with the ever favorite-john cusack. still have one empty wall. probably gonna put another "tapestry" up or find something nifty to put up there. also i'm in search of another rug. my parents had an old persian rug that they weren't using so i put it in my living room and now my bedroom floor is looking drab and in need of a kick. perhaps a shabby chic kick? i think i'm in need of a good thrift store/garage sale/swap meet hunt. also i'm in need of some nifty patio furniture. that patio of mine can't go to waste i tell you!

people visit me. i'd like to show off my nifty digs some time or another! heh ;)

oh and btw school started. classes are pretty good. i still dont like the idea of the shuttle, but alas i must take it.

ahhh i love having the time to actually care and fix up my room. its great.