for the board '00-01

hot dogs? yes or no?
ketchup and/or mustard

i miss you foolios!

 
lost in brokeland

so i'm po...so po i can't afford the other -or.

i'm 150 overdrawn and i think i'm gonna be more bc i didnt realize this until this morning when i checked it...it'll be more bc i used it last night. =(

i'm so down about that. i know loan check will be kickin in and what not...but i hate being poor. i'm whiny right now. not good.

had the hat yesterday night. that was fun. saw downtown brea for the first time. quite a small downtown area. hit up the tower bookstore. did you guys know that there's a tower bookstore? i sure didn't. and everyone who worked there was a male. i even asked someone, "do any chicks work here?" and you could bet your bottom dollar that most of the employees there are going to csuf.

crashing...not at home... a lot.

school... totally not in the zone. but i swear next week will be change. i will go to EVERY class. this is my promise to myself that i must follow. i need to do this. someone slap me if i start ditching. [not too hard please]

i made my first pillow blanket! i'm so proud. i wanna invest in a sewing machine now! or at least start using my mommy's bc i know how to do it. hehe. i'm excited. if anything i can make some pillows! hehe i made some pillows!! aww crap i'm a part of the dorky craft crew. hehe jk debby and ngoc!

gonna go down to san juan capistrano soon to pick up some religious stuff. i think i'm down bc of the poordom, and the fact my family's going through some tough times again. first it was my mommy and now it's my ate leah. she's only 34, i think. and she's going through tough times with her lupus. i'm really scared about this now. its been an extremely tough year...

senior suite..its fun. i'll be at sat practice and learn the rest of the routine. yay alex! we're in pcn again!!!!

lazy days...too many lazy days. but hey...at least i can say i'm enjoying the remainder of my college life =)

 
...

so i've given up on school as of now. i'm going to do what i can to graduate. which means not that much. i'm tired of it. i think i'll just enjoy what freedoms i have while i can and see how it goes day by day. c's get degrees. and thats pretty much all i really want right now.

i gotta start moving some stuff back bc my room is simply ridiculous. its basically a giant closet it is. clothes everywhere, no resemblance of order at all. sometimes i wonder how i live...and then i realize this is why i'm always out.

can't wait for craft night on wednesday! but i'm gonna have to leave at 8 for senior suite practice, so hopefully i can make at least one pillow then!

asian hip hop summit was cool...good times good times, even if i was freezin in the middle of koreatown.

errands, fun times, and then duty is what my day's gonna be like today [fuck class]

herb is a cure for a migrane








hoping this time things go well...

 
did you know?

did you know that chocolate can cure a cold?

well it can't, but it sure as hell feels good escaping in a nice peace of chocolate.

kinda like how jason loves his deedee reese cookies. =)

peace, love, and SOUL..... ala soul train....

loveyas

 
bleh

i'm sicky again. also i've been down in the dumps lately. i've missed so many of my classes and i feel like crap for it. usually i don't but its my last quarter and i want to get out of here with at least decent grades. i can't miss class anymore. and just when i make this resolution...i get sick.

 
in search of...

so in film studies you watch a lot of films that you'll never have access to. as i'm about to get the fuck outta here i've realized that i would like to own a copy of the films that i saw bc i actually did like most of the films i saw in class. and even if i did fall asleep through A LOT of them [most of my film professor's knew me from my narcoleptic lapses that i was overcome with in their classes] i always woke up at the best parts...

so here's a list in no particular order of what i need to have in my vhs [bc some of these films aren't on dvd format]/dvd:

hour of the wolf dir: ingmar bergman
what imdb.com says:
An artist in crisis is haunted by nightmares from the past in Ingmar Bergman's only horror film, which takes place on a windy island. During "the hour of the wolf" - between midnight and dawn - he tells his wife about his most painful memories.

it doesn't do the movie justice. if you want to know what horror is you need to see this film. i didn't fall asleep bc i was too scared to.

masculin / feminin dir: jean-luc godard
what imdb.com says:
Paul is young, just demobbed from national service in the French Army, and dishillusioned with civilian life. As his girlfriend builds herself a career as a pop singer, Paul becomes more isolated from his friends and peers ('the children of Marx and Coca Cola', as the credits announce) and their social and emotional politics.

this film was cool bc of the combo of pop culture and politics. it also stars jean-pierre leaud who is the infamous antoine doinel from 400blows. i saw this movie after 400blows and a cute moment in the film is how jean-pierre leaud's character: paul, pretends to be a general or colonel with the name "antoine doinel" ok ok...that's only neat for a film geek like myself. my prof pointed that out to us before we saw the film and i thought it was quite adorable. which leads me to..

400 blows dir: francois truffaut
what imdb.com says:
Antoine Doinel is a 14 years old Parisian. His parents do not show much interest about him. He skips school to go to the movies or play with his friends. He will discover his mother has a lover, steal a typewriter, be suspended from school... to conceal that he suffers.

this is something you need to see if you want to be depressed. actually a lot of the stuff we saw in the 101series makes you want to be depressed. damn wwii which created a postwwii cinema that can not be compared to. amazing visuals, depressing stories. [WOW...could i sound more like a film geek???] there's a scene where antoine doinel just keeps running and running and running ... he just never ever stops... i know when we were watching i was losing my breath just watchin him.

sansho the bailiff dir: kenji mizoguchi
what imdb.com says:
In mediaeval Japan a compassionate governor is sent into exile. His wife and children try to join him, but are separated, and the children grow up amid suffering and oppression.

another, as ivy would put it, slit your wrists type fun flick. ultra depressing. but gawddamn it was so beautiful. the cinematographer studied japanese woodblock prints and some of his scenes, if you were to push pause, were as beautiful as a hiroshige print. which leads me to another japanese classic...

tokyo story dir: yasujiro ozu
what imdb.com says:
An elderly couple journey to Tokyo to visit their children and are confronted by indifference, ingratitude and selfishness. When the parents are packed off to a resort by their impatient children, the film deepens into an unbearably moving meditation on mortality

its the freakin 50s and children be disrespecting their parents!!! damn. i felt so bad for these japanese couple. all they wanted to do was spend time with their children, who of course have no time for them. and who takes care of them: daughter in law who's wasting away bc her husband is probably dead [damn the wwii] but she doesn't have any real acknowledgment bc the japanese govt is extremly slow in telling their ppl where their loved ones are.

forgotten silver dir: peter jackson & costa botes
what imdb.com says:
Forgotten Silver is a mockumentary which details the prodigious life of "lost" filmmaker Colin McKenzie and his incredible advances that were lost to history...until now. This supergenius filmmaker, posthumously inducted into the pantheon of cinema greats, made incredible advances in filmmaking technology, supposedly making a talkie in 1908 and using color film in 1911, but madness and poverty and the usual industry tolls drove him into obscurity.

i actually found a copy of this on dvd. and when i saw it again...holy jesus its freakin hilarious. steampowered camera? chinese talkie in newzealand pre jazz singer?? and its by the guy who made the freakin lord of the rings trilogy [peter jackson]

nights of cabiria dir: federico fellini
what imdb.com says:
Cabiria is a wide-eyed waif, a streetwalker living in a poor section of Rome where she owns her little house, has a bank account, and dreams of a miracle. We follow her nights (and days): a boyfriend steals 40,000 lire from her and nearly drowns her, a movie star on the Via Veneto takes her home with him, at a local shrine she seeks the Madonna's intercession, then she meets an accountant who's seen her, hypnotized on a vaudeville stage, acting out her heart's longings. He courts her. Is it fate that led to their meeting? Is this finally a man who appreciates her for who she is?

this film comes at the tail end of italian neo-realism [flash nerd sign here] but it still does the trick. if you appreciate an underdog story this is a masterpiece for you. the thing about italian neorealism and also for noir is that these directors created visual masterpieces on such little means. its quite beautiful.

gilda dir: charles vidor
what imdb.com says:
Just arrived in Argentina, small-time crooked gambler Johnny Farrell is saved from a gunman by sinister Ballin Mundson, who later makes Johnny his right-hand man. But their friendship based on mutual lack of scruples is strained when Mundson returns from a trip with a wife: the supremely desirable Gilda, whom Johnny once knew and learned to hate. The relationship of Johnny and Gilda, a battlefield of warring emotions, becomes even more bizarre after Mundson disappears...

rita hayworth & glenn ford. jesus christ that was a power duo. if you want to see where the pin up originated this is the film to see. what the 40s needed: crime, sex, and a random dance scene to show off rita hayworth's legs. but seriously. if you are a fan of noir you gotta check this film...and plus the other classics like the big sleep, maltese falcon, the postman rings twice, out of the past [damn robert mitchum...so scary, yet so handsome, yet still so scary]

mildred pierce dir: michael curtiz
what imdb.com says:
Mildred Pierce dotes on her daughters while husband Bert looks to Maggie Binderhof for affection. Elder daughter Veda goads her mother about their lack of money and in response Mildred proposes opening a small restaurant. Realtor Wally Fay advises her while making numerous rebuffed passes and introduces her to Monte Baragon whose property becomes the first of a chain of restaurants. Veda has a fling with Monte. She also pretends pregnancy by Ted Forrester in order to bilk his family of $10,000. Mildred tears up the check, is slapped by Veda, and orders her daughter to leave. After time away, Mildred returns to find Veda singing in a cheap club. Veda will return only if Mildred promises luxury, so Mildred agrees to marry Monte in exchange for a third of her businesses. Monte and Veda carry on behind Mildred's back. Mildred learns of this only after Monte has sold out his third of the her business leaving her bankrupt. She goes to Monte's beach house to kill him, but he takes the gun from her. As she leaves she hears a shot from the house...

i know ivy's jealous that i saw this film in class. joan crawford..freakin scary. as your mom...even scarier [mommie dearest is a must see too] seriously you gotta watch this to understand why me and ivy rant and rave about it.

there's more...sooo much more. in fact i'm going to email my film 101 prof to get a list of what she showed us so i can begin my hunt for these movies. these are only some of the movies that make me a film nerd...believe me there's more like: sunset blvd, on the waterfront, battle of algiers, rules of the game, bicycle thief, lullaby on broadway, touch of evil, breathless, rashoman [although i have a love/hate relationship with it], happy together, hiroshima with love [another love/hate], battle royale and probably more when i finally email my prof.

 
sadness =(

so today was a relatively bad day...

it started with leaving my cell at someone's apt. i thought whatever no biggie i'll get it later.

then i rolled my ankle on the way to class =( i thought it would get better as the day progressed. negative it got worse. thanks to mike though who hooked it up with the ace bandage. damn these weak ankles...stupid bball days..how i miss them *tear*

then a highlight was al and jane nakatani spoke at the Cross today. it was really inspirational. they wrote "honor thy children" which i hafta pick up now...and i got a free le diplomat sandwich and salad, which i was gonna eat for dinner...

too bad ants attacked my backpack and are now roaming free in my room. i couldnt take care of it bc i had to go the mtg so their just going buck wild in my room =( and my backpack is now an ant haven. no matter how many i squash more appear =(

crappppppppp it hasn't been fun times. and i've got a stats test on friday....and then i'm working this weekend....

as winni the pooh would say,

oh bother...

[update: 7:51pm]
and now my stomach's upset and i think what i ate for dinner is hurting me... =(

[update: 9:24pmpm]
i suka.... boo

 
emotions

so its time to relish in what this whole thing called college was. i know i do this every near june moment, but really...this is the one that counts, the one that is forever goodbye...forever smell ya later.

if i get weepy this quarter its because i'm going through a lot. i'm counting down to when my run at uci is over. also i've just been thinking a lot lately about all the emotions i've gone through.

today in church, as i sat next to my mother, all of a sudden i got flashbacks to that day in october, october 25th. when i got a call on my cell that said "private number," which usually indicates my parents calling me, but i heard no sound. that no sound was my mother having a stroke on the other end. i got another flashback of walking into mission hospital in panorama city, knowing that something was wrong, but not comprehending how bad it was until i saw my mom in a hospital bed with machines all hooked up to her. i saw the endless nights of crying in fear that i would lose my mom and not knowing why this was happening to us now. i remember sitting in the critical care unit with an afghani family just as worried as i was, praying that their loved one would make it. i remember a kind mid 40s woman who is a costume designer for films who had flown in from hawaii because her mother was in the room close to mine. i sat and i had all those memories flood back to me...and i almost cried. the only thing that stopped me was that to my left was my mother, listening to father marcial speak the word of god. my mother, taking communion. my mother, saying that she did not need to get the annoitment of the sick oils because she was already cured.

its moments like that that make me realize how far i've grown this year. what really matters in life: family, friends, and myself.

i can't help what happened to me. i can't stop what's happening to me. but i can at least participate in what's happening and not let my life slip from my fingers.

i almost lost her, i almost lost you, i almost lost myself.

i'm still a little lost, but at least i think with the people who love me, surrounding me, i'll never be lost for a long time.

mood: pensive
music of the mind: an oldie but a goodie...dashboard confessional: swiss army romance

 
what have i learned?

in total, i will have spent over $45,000, in loans and some...lots of my parents money
and what have i learned?

i learned that an 18yearold female should never challenge an 18yearold male to battle of shots...esp. of bacardi 151
that drinking everyday is not productive at all
that too many cigarettes cause lung capacity to shrink
that many friends come and go, but the ones that matter remain
that memories are sometimes better than bad friends
that family is one of the most important things in life
that sometimes your friends become your family
that education is not bound to a classroom and teacher/professor
that you can still learn when you think you've learned it all
that life isn't meant to be solved and perfect by the time your 25
that love is beautiful
that love is painful
that happiness is not found through one person
that happiness is shared with another person
that coffee and cigarettes can only be breakfast,lunch,&dinner for so long
that road trips and gas station food make for the best memories
that crying isn't so bad
that shouting is theraputic
that singing is a release
that a dance can signify culture
that laughs are meant to be shared
that crushes are meant to pass
that i can love again and again and again
that it was all worth and then some...

 
rock your body...

so i'm mad at blogger bc i had an update but i totally forgot it bc blogger was down. boo

i think i remember some a couple of things...

iheartu2 j9
outbacksteakhouse is quite deliciouso
and i never got round to those art supplies..boo
i have stats with 5 of my otero babies!! weird but nice to see them again...

today was a long day, which is indicative of what will be every tues/thurs my last quarter at uci. ohmygosh i have one quarter left! wow...
i have deemed this hot week booby week. so watch out world the twins [and by twins i mean my tig o'bitties] are coming out. its freakin hot which means i'm bustin out the tanks and halters which means the twins get to see some sun. i dont care about the stares anymore its hot!

complete tangent....
i keep forgetting how this war truly does affect me. like the fact that i do have friends who are in the military and who are simply waiting to get shipped out. its kind of scary. i was on michael moore's website [http://www.michaelmoore.com] and he made a good point. that if the POPE is against you...then you've really fucked up. come on. if he can condone pedophilia and all those other atrocities and then call you out on your war...damn that's some pretty harsh shit.

and to end with another tangent...
i shall be seeing my beautiful husband justin timberlake on june 30th from floor seats at the staples center. you dont know how happy i am about that!!! damn he's so fine.

haha
gnite..