i need to escape and take a pen, my journal, a blank notebook and just write for a while...

 
xbeesda1x says: I am the PING PONG CHAMPION!!! Please spread this across the globe so everyone will know that I am VICTORIOUS!!!

spreading the word as only a good friend would.

good to know that the beester is kickin ass at pingpong and hopefully grad skool too!

 
craziness...

so i'm finally mobile now. i got my car back on friday and now am currently spending the day in irvine. went to the goldenwest swapmeet and spent $30?? on some 45s. crap. oh well i came up on some good time shit. so it's all good. i think mike's gonna lend me his fisher price record player. yay! i seriously need to find one of those things. IT'S SO RAD! i spent a couple of hours just playin all the 45s i got. yay i finally get to bring all the vinyl i've accumulated home and play it in my room! [wow insert "what a nerd" statement here]

i checked the friendster. its gettin old i must say, but just when i think that i'm done finding ppl i know--more ppl show up. the recent round of friendsters seem to be oldskool valley kids aka st. gen's ppls. its kinda crazy to see all those faces and i'll explain why.

when i knew these ppl i looked at everyone with my usual sarcastic dribble and for the most part i was happy to leave all those people behind. i was never really a part of their world. i was just a drama kid with too much knowledge of pop culture, sports, and politics. then came college, where i got to pursue all those joints to its fullest with ppl who didn't seem to care about my dorky-nesses. and it felt good to just not have all that valley baggage with me.

well its just strange to find ppl on friendster who share my same likes and dislikes...and these are the ppl who i was happy to leave behind. for example when i saw that this girl shelia, who i never really had drama with..she was just some girl who ran with a different crowd, was in to spoken word and politics i kinda did a double take and shrugged at it. i just couldn't believe that that girl would have that same interests as me.

mike chalked it all up to the fact that we all grow up. and that he himself is nothing like the person he was in high school. i look in the mirror and wonder if i am anything like the person i was in high school. i still am the dorky drama kid with too much pop culture knowledge, but now i'm a dorky drama kid with too much pop culture knowledge with a degree in asian american studies and film studies who understands film theory and asian am studies political theory and can talk shop with the best of them about the model minority myth and what is french new wave or italian neo-realism.

have i really changed? i suppose i have. my struggle with my judgemental quality has not subsided and i try with my whole heart to not be as judemental as i can be. my worry wart syndrome has given me more gray hairs than i need, but i try to take every wrong turn in life as an adventure.

damn it truly sounds like the quater life crisis is spewing from my mouth huh?

someone i know is pushing for me to be a writer, reviews and what not. i think i just might take that up. but for now i think i'll just stick to writing about what/who i know best...myself. and somtimes i dont even know if i know that as well as i should.




and in other news...

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	uccloud9
You will die on:	Friday, September 7, 2035
You will die of:	Gingivitis
Username:
Created by Quill

looks like i better invest in some listerine...

 

lapit, mga kaibigan
at makinig kayo
ako'y may dala-dalang balita
galing sa bayan ko
nais kong ipamahagi
ang mga kwento
ng mga pangyayaring nagaganap
sa lupang pinangak ako


come closer my friends
and listen up
i have brought news
from my homeland
i would like to tell you
the stories
about the events that happen
in the land where i was born

the apl song. elephunk. blackeyedpeas

Mike told me once that I was a nationalist. I found that rather odd bc how could i be a nationalist for a country that I've never set foot in?

I won't deny that I have deep rooted pride in where my ancestors came from. Growing up in the US of A, the television was my outlet for what life was supposed to be like. And well..that world was white. That world was nothing like the world I lived in. It didn't look like the family i knew. My family was not mom, dad, brother sister. My family was mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandma's and grandpa's. and at one point many of lived under one roof. This was what i knew, what i grew up with. And yes I must say i did know i was different.

when kids at school made fun of me for bringing leftover chicken and rice in a tupperware for lunch instead of a sandwich, i knew i was different. when i said i ate with a fork and a spoon at dinner, i knew i was different. although childhood ignorance never let me see what was really happening to me. i just thought i was different. my friends didn't exactly match my tv screen. we were filipino, hawaiian, black, jewish,latino, mexican, and white. so i thought...well i thought the places in tv must've not taken place in california.

I've harbored all this stuff for a while. through the graces of student loans and my everloving parents i was able to study this in college [yes that ba in asian american studies taught me something] i learned that yes i was different, but that did not mean i was less than the "norm." i learned that institutional racism has affected the educational system of today's students. that kids learn a white perspective throughout history. history becomes a boring thick textbook of facts that more than not, do not apply to them. for example pilipino's are hardly a blurb in the spanish-american war. and the philippine-american war??? puhlease if that was ever mentioned in a text book someone please tell me, bc that would just be sheer amazing. i doubt teachers in the us educational system would want to teach there students that the us bought the philippines from the spanish for what was it, a million dollars? and then proceeded to have a "battle" in manila bay so that the spanish could save face and say they lost to a more of a noble adversary [sp?] the US, rather than those Pilipinos???

i used to find it depressing to understand that the whole "white man keepin us down" mentality, was basically true. and the whole no color lines mantra?? i just can't seem to deal with that either. although it is nice to say that you don't see the color of my skin, just the person inside? i would rather you not be color blind, but acknowledge my brown skin and the history and vast culture that comes with it. there is nothing wrong with that is there?

i do not want to live in a melting pot where everything becomes blended into one big mush. can i please have my cesar or garden salad where i still can retain the flavors of all the ingredients that are in there?

i know you're all wondering, where did this verbal diatribe come from?? well after hearing the new peas album. the song, "the apl song" jogged a lot of this up. the apl song's chorus is in tagalog. i had a feeling it would have something to do with apl.d.ap and him being from the philippines, but i had no idea the impact of hearing the language of my people in a hip hop song would be. iono latinos have a whole industry of music directed toward their demographic. pilipinos? i'm sorry i don't listen to pilipino music...i wish i could but i'm just ignorant on that whole scene. but to have a piece of hip hop music, music that i know kids of generation listen to, represent my people?? shit...hot damn that blew my mind. for me to actually understand what was coming out of that song? not just the tagalog lyrics, but the story itself?? missing a homeland, returning to see what youve missed, what's changed, objecting to whats going on there, only to return back to the us, a country where you were able to benefit from. ok ok i may be interpretting more from the song than i was supposed to, but check out the song and lemme know your thought on it.

i doubt i'm the only one...

 
oh i forgot

YAY!!!!!!!!!
IVY'S BACK FROM EUROPE!!!!

YAY!!!!!

time to get our butts to a gym and have a martini with richard!

 
happiness in slow moments

mike came over today and had dinner with the parents. oddly enough we were watching "meet the parents" on usa while dining. how fitting. then it was off to attempt to set up the router, a router that wasn't working really. so he did that for a couple hours while i sat next to him and watched tv. then it was off to best buy and buy a new router, that dirty harry dvd for my dad, and the new black eyed peas cd. not too shabby of a day. only had to spend 42bux thanks to my cousin's grad gift. then we were off to frys to see if i could get a dvd for myself. yay for pretty in pink being 14.99 hehe. and yay to frys and their impulse candy section...got myself my always frys buy, snickers almond, and a new candy endeavor mint rocky road. quite the nummers. then it was off to the house and got my router set up and yay it works! and then mike left to go back to irvine and now i'm hear typing this blog and roaming the online world.

and so the happiness came in all those moments. i just got to hang out and chill and not worry about all the drama that's going on. there's worse tihngs going on in this world and i'm happy that i've got my friends and familia. i love being with the people who i love and who love me back is the bottomline really.

and now...well now i'm watching the real world paris. this show isn't as annoying as the recent ones. like i'm not entirely peeved at the whole cast. i am peeved at one person though. this leah chick. i hope she's not as stuck up and prissy as she is on the show in real life. she's such a snob in the show. it's utterly revolting. now i know the magic of editing has totally created her to be this stuck up monster from long island, but damn the shit that comes out of her mouth i just wanna slap her. i guess i just cannot stand uppity prissy girlie girls. these are the bitches that i just wanna shake a la the way a british au pair would to a lil child. otherwise it's not so bad. i think she's the one cast member that i've got peeves with. i dont think i could ever do a show like that and join the ranks of real world-dom to be ever typecast as how you were at the age of 22 would just suck.

ok i'm off to get lost in the world of cable tv....yay the osbornes

 
slowly but surely...

i'm slowly but surely feeling less guilty and trying hard not to blame myself entirely for the whole thing. and as richard said...they're called "accidents" for a reason.

my punishment still goes on though, well self made really bc i have no car. i'm staying in my room and reading. harry potter is taking up most of my time. i wonder if i can finish it by the end of the week? hmm i'm on page 272. its a total of 896 pages. i can do it man! i know i should pace myself so i have something else to read, but hey i'll be working at bookstore i'm sure i'll find something.

thank gawd for my new store. the managers are really understanding and realize that i need to take care of this stuff first. so i don't start working til next week. they always seem to manage so that's cool. southcoast plaza would've been like "you got in an accident, i'm sorry, so you're still coming in to work right?" stupid bitches. bleh

tv asian am sighting part iii:
i think i should just have blogs dedicated to asian am's on tv sightings! haha
so yay to the elderly asian am gent on the kit kat commercial! he's probably like what 45-50?? but looks 30-40? you know i gotta hella age the brotha bc us asian folk never look our age!

that's all for now peas and carrots friends

 
drama

so this whole car accident stuff....drama. i'm just gonna let the insurance company deal with this. it's time like this i wish i was like my mom bc she woulda been all up in that guy's face and not backed down. i'm just so non confrontational sometimes...poopy. its sucks being nice as phil said.

i'm gonna do something nice for my dad. i'm gonna get him the dirty harry dvd at best buy. i got a gift card from my cousin norman so it's gonna get put to good use. i'll pick that up and probably the new peas album. go support you filipino ppls in hip hop yo....ok ok whatevers its fun hip hop musik so that's why i'm gonna cop that.

grr i've cried so much lately. i wish my tear ducks would just stop.

asian americans on tv...sweet! that young cutie in the volkswagon commercial. and that one older guy who looks like someone's dad in the bank of america commercial.

finally dyed the hair so i've got a nice blueblack hair action going on no more grays. damn my early gray hair genes. also did a lil trim, it was gettin kinda long...ya know almost touchin my shoulders! haha i dont think i can do the long hair anymore...short hair for good.

oh and ivy your missing out on the ROBERT DINERO AFI TRIBUTE!!!!! how could you!!!! you know we love these things! haha thank goodness your coming home soon. i miss you best friend!

ok back to tv....back to the robert dinero afi tribute....

 
=(

i got into a car accident.
i feel like shit.
just when everything's going ok, something has to go straight to shit.
i'm punishing myself, so no going out for a while.
i think i'm gonna lock myself up in my room and just read or sit and do nothing. or stare at the walls.

no fun no fun no fun

 
One word: GILBERT

So lets try this again…damn you blog for closing my original blog entry!!!

So this lil Justin/xtina [Christina aguliera for all those who aren’t in the know] adventure was shared with kat, sarah [ forever concert buddy! Two nsync and one Justin!!], laureen and rina.

It all started off with kickin it at kats and meeting everyone up before going to staples together. Me, kat, and sarah watched bruce almighty beforehand. Quite funny from what we saw. And then it was off to staples.

When we got there we did our darndest to find cheaper parking. Fuck this 20dollar shit. So we drove around and found 10dollar parking at the convention center. Yay! Fate I tell you, this show was fate.

First example of fate: we couldn’t get tix to the last two shows and then this show opened up. Niccceee more on why this show is fate later on.

So the phrase of the evening “you make me want a hot dog REAL BAD” damn you legally blonde 2 commercials. So I was in need of a hot dog and rina was in need of her pretzels. We already knew where to go when we got in.

What the heck were people doing in line already??? We’re you making sure that nobody got to YOUR SEAT. Well your ticket’s gonna be your proof right? Nerds. Serious fashion show action going on. I, of course was a bum in my old navy boy scout shirt and mike’s carhart hoodie. Who cares like they’re gonna see me anyways man!

So we got in and purchased lovely lovely Justin posters. Yay! I also got something xtina for alex [youlabsme!] and then it was off to find some food and then our seats. After we got our munchies I ran into my cousin. Random moment for ya. I was people watching and noticed this older twenty /thirtysomething Pilipino guy who I swear I knew and then I looked at the chick I was with and low and behold it was my cousin cathy! She asked where my seats were and I told her the floor. It pays to have Justin crazy fans as friends man!

So me, rina, and laureen get to our seats and at first we’re all butthurt bc we’re right next to the soundbooth. It turns out to be another part of fate bc that’s where all the celebs seem to be chillin and walkin through. Por ejemplo mr. greg brady walked by with his kids. Quite a cool quasi celeb sighting. And then Pamela Anderson sat there after her mini special guest star appearance during xtina’s set. Usher was there too. It started out with this guy in a nice Gucci hat. I thought “hmm nice hat” and then I looked at this guy and he was wearing his shirt the way jp does, all dancer like with his shirt tucked in, in the front, but not in the back. When the house lights were up after the xtina set low and behold…usher. Quite cool indeed.

So the show started with the black eye peas opening for the two of them. Kinda strange but still kinda cool. Me and laureen talked about how they’re so down for their culture which is why we like them so much. [so this is the shortened version of what I said earlier…I’m too tired to bust it again] bottom line…their conscious, their cool, their dope. Go buy their new cd on Tuesday.

Then it was xtina’s set. I wish I had listened to the cd ivy [come home imissu] burned me so I coulda followed along better. Otherwise tho it was quite the entertaining set. Especially one thing GILBERT. Oh sweet jebus GILBERT had all 5 of us drooling. Man I could do my laundry on those abs. I never wanted to go to a strip club before tonight. Strike that stripclubs are still raunch [guy ones I mean] but freakin a I never in my life wanted so badly to be a pole or a chair for this guy. SOOOOOO FIOOONNNNEEEE.

Then it was time for Justin. Oh sweet jebus this man is gorgeous, sexy, fine, and a host of other things. I know we were all having dirty thoughts when he came on stage. The 5 of us all became a bunch of screaming girls when he was on. He can sing, he can dance, he can beat box??? Well…

So the whole time during his 10-15min beatbox session I kept thinking of one of berto’s old journal entry’s “This is an open challenge to battle Justin Timberlake on the beat box. Anytime. Any place. I know I don't do it well, which is why I don't do it in public. Justin, pay attention to that last statement.” [06.08.03]

So my one gripe is that it wasn’t all that great. I guess I hang out with too many hip hop “heads” to know the difference between great beat boxing to aiite beat boxing. I suppose I should take it as a compliment to hip hop that he’s bringing it to the pop scene. But I couldn’t help but thinking “yeah I’ve heard better” even when he tried to bust I was thinking “hmm that footwork isn’t that clean” or “honey don’t even try to do that k pose” so yeah I was being a bit too critical. I can’t help it man my friends are breakers and I listen to hip hop all the time [thanks mike] also another gripe was that he was doing this call and response thing with planet rock. And I kept thinking..shit who here even knows where this is coming from?? Good gawd I think I’m just old….or a lil touchy when it comes to the whole hip hop thing…

But hey if I was just another screaming girl I would just went with and thought “damn he’s so hawt” which I did many a times during the show…but yeah that was my gripe about the show.

Otherwise…I was quite entertained and quite happy with the whole experience. I’ve got two Justin posters and one tshirt to prove it damnit.

Props to rina and sarah for showing me animal style fries from in-n-out….quite delicious

Another fate installment of this day: I got myself a phone interview for an api non profit gig! Hah the guy called just as the concert was about to start! But I’m gonna have my phone interview on Monday. So cross your fingers. I might be getting a jobby job with benefits or some shit like that!

 
my pops

i know this is my 3rd post today but shit what just happened was funny

so my dad comes in to ask me something about my cousins bday stuff and as he turns to walk out the door he notices my hat/bag rack that's hanging from the door. he notices one of my khaki gap bags. he says, "hey that would be perfect for my magazines! that's the bag i need." so i think, "huh magazines? where's he gonna be reading magazines at? mom's not in the hospital anymore." so i must've looked confused and he says, "i can put my bullet magazines in there..." ahh yes...leave it to my pop to use something of mine to store his weaponry. the funny thing was he was genuinely excited about this new find of his.

oh pops...gotta love him...

and yes my dad is that pilipino uncle with all the guns...

don't be scurred he's also the pilipino uncle who likes to kick it and is hella calm until you piss him off....then i'd be scuurrrrred shitless bc my dads a force to be reckoned with...

speaking of guns and my pops...i miss going to the shooting range. it was fun when i was a kid. ok ok so i know your thinking "why does elaine know what its like at a shooting range?" well my only explanation to that is i have a pilipino dad who loves guns and wanted me to be just as good as he is at shooting. yup...strange...but somehow so pilipino normal, no? i remember emil wanted to hit up the shooting range...damn i'd like to hit that up too. maybe i should mention it to my pops for some father/daughter bonding

wow....i hope this doesn't scare ppl...but seriously how pilipino is that??? shooting guns as a bonding tool.

 
yay

so a half yay...

i've pretty much finished unpacking! the stuff that's not put away's gonna be put in storage. hooray for me. i gotta decorate put some art up and i think this place'll feel like home.

so this whole being a college grad thing. yeah not all that cool. i'm not off to grad/law school like some of my friends. i'm gonna be working on monday...already but i know that if i wasn't working i'd be bored with being idle and non-productive. i guess i'm the keep busy type. i still have to register for that photography class at pierce. i guess i'l be forever a student.

off to do other things...

 
ugh

will the unpacking ever end???

 
not so lazy days

so goals for the day:

set up digital cable and cable modem --check-- hellyeah hbo and online 24/7 woohoo
unpack, and set up room---blah thats what the afternoon and evening are for
get ass to gym and get a membership--when ivy gets here

speaking of ivy...

I MISS YOU!!!! COME HOME FROM EUROPE ALREADY!!!!!!!!! =(

so yeah me and jen miss are best friend ivy. she didnt get to go to our grads bc she was off in europe galavanting and what not. that lucky bitch. i want her to come home already so we can play!!!! she's also my new gym partner. we will get our asses there damnit. it'll be like high school...eek wait..in high school we hated running and wanted to kill our bball coach. ok so maybe it won't be like high school, but we'll get inshape for once after all those years haha!

damn i love this cable stuff being in MY ROOM oh dear god its beautiful...and cable modem...ohhhhhh no worries about being connected hehe..

gotta head over to fry's and get networking stuff wack. i need radio shack to help me! come visit me and do my techy stuff!

sleeping with my new buildabear helps...but it just isn't the same =/

gonna go lounge before i unpack then...

missin y'all like crazy

 
home sweet home

and the move back to the valley is finally over. all my stuff is currently still in boxes dominating over my house. i seriously could have my own house with all the stuff i own. my room is still a mess of a storage closet. i luckily have my nice and new flarke bookshelves [yay ikea!] they're still empty bc i didnt get to unpacking my stuff. me and mike pretty much packed up my shit, moved my shit, unloaded my shit, built some shelves [well really mike built the shelves] and then peaced outta of my house for an la adventure.

damn graduation cash already is gone! got some castro hats that i can sport at work and a new levi's corduroy [sp?] purse. then it was off to amoeba. two goals there: cut chemist rare equations and dj shadow freeze. found the rare equations but not the freeze. also found a copy of maid in manhattan [i will make you watch it with me damnit!] so i got those two at amoeba. then it was off to jack in the crack for a quick bite and then aaron's records it was. i held out on some stuff....which was quite hard. but then i found the rare equations for 5 bux cheaper! boo oh well i'm too lazy to go return it...whatevers mine was made in england so hah!

then it was off to the greenway to catch some spoken word. i thought i was gonna be able to hear gary bust at the greenway, which would've been sick. instead i was treated to all city slam contest. damn it was sick. quite amazing. i felt so in awe of those poets. damn makes me wanna pick up a pen. bonus : celebrity sighting-sanaa lathan [sp?] of love &bball and brown sugar was there. can i just damn that woman is beautiful...i wanted to get an autograph..but she slipped out...and really i never ever do that with celebs. i think its valley mentality. oh its so and so, yeah that's great uh huh whatevers

and now i'm at home watching maid in manhattan and using up the rest of my netzero before cablemodem-domed.

its funny i just typed, "do i miss home?" home being irvine...well not really. there are certain people i miss for sure, but i think i'm handling this move beter than before. i think this time around i know that i will be with the people i love as much as possible and my parents are more understanding of me going back and forth

gotta get used to this full bed for once. good thing i got pillows and stuff animals for me to hug...especially my new buildabear

 
C's/D's gets degrees

so yes i did participate in commencement on sat and "graduated," but i had this nagging feeling that summer school may have been around the corner. as you all know i suck hard core at math. i hate math period, which i know was the bane of my parents existence [mom being an accountant and my dad a former engineering major in college] and uci has this stupid STUPID, did i mention it was stupid? class called probability and statistics. now everyone says its an easy class. some people don't have to study and they get it....yeah not me. and i needed to pass this class to officially graduate and end up tenure at uci.

i cried in the professor shirey's office and said i just need a d- to graduate. i CAN NOT fail this test. my checkbook wouldn't let me. so i studied my butt off and turned in all my homeworks and by golly

461 POINTS MAN!!!!

I GOT A D-

FUCK YEAH!

so friends there are no hesitations in my mind anymore, wondering whether or not i'm gonna have to take summer session ii. this lady is OFFICIALLY DONE with her uci career.

no more worries til grad school baby.

my grrreat friend rex who works at some bio consulting firm by day [betcha were surprised i remember what you do huh rex? well really its talk on aim and blog..but that's like everyone else!] and makes beats at night told me the phrase "Cs get degrees" well i've altered it a lil "Cs/Ds get degrees" hahaha

peace friends. i shall be moving back to the valley today but no worries. i will not be stuck on that dial up shit. OH HELLLS NO. we're gettin cable modem and digital cable. oh dear god yes [insert orgasmic noise here] hbo skinamax and all those other channels that were out of my reach bc my parents thought it was talagang crazy to pay for extra channels

laters skaters

 
let the reflections begin...

so last night at pgrad [pilipino grad] i realized that graduation is finally here. i also realized that my class is the last link to some old skool folks. to finally get the pgrad stole, damn. i've been looking forward to it for 5 long years. i remember working my first pgrad and thinking that you work long hard for that stole. it isn't simply a piece of cloth that looks like the pilipino flag,

its...

nights of cramming for midterms/finals
drink ups at dorms, apts, and houses
partying like no tomorrow
delirium before pcn
the night of pcn
PCN choir, muslim, trads, rural, igs, commercials, modern, skit and senior suite
chanting k ab abayan gooooo kababayan
kicking it at the cross
nights of prep for friendship games
the infamous south tahoe mlk weekend
the buffet in tahoe...hmm filet mignon
bonding over nsync, justin timberlake[june20th baby!]
finding that fag to your hag
beers at reggaefest
aidswalk oc
heartwalk oc
board retreats in sd, vegas, and even irvine
ropes courses
suspension bridges
pcn retreats
people watching on ring road
tabling for anything and everything
semi formals
bball tourneys
puso pals
puso beat
always having a couch to crash on
always having someone to share a smoke with
shouting out your class [SENIORS], where your from [818], and lets not forget the pub [PUB CREW]
finally being able to go to the pub
getting very aquainted to the pub
taking over the pub
hanging out at dartmoth, vc, harvard, stanford, berekley, cornell, newport,mesa, middle, 31caps
bondfires at cdm and coming home smelling like fire
HOOing
knowing that only 22% of American born Filipina/o Americans reach that goal of a Bachelor's degree
and i'm a part of that 22%
when you realize the chancellor was right at that freshman orientation. "look to your left, look to your right. the chances are that one of you will not make it to your senior year."
but i did
becoming accustomed to being brown
having pride in being brown
finally learning MY history
participating in the ileto vigil and realizing that hate crimes do affect my community
protesting with the veterans and seeing that these men are heroes
learning the pilipino anthem
singing it with pride
understanding tagalog or any other pilipino language but not being able to speak it
not understanding tagalog or any other pilipino language [ilocano, visayan,etc] at all
responding to your elders in english
a love/hate relationship with not being a part of the future and constantly reminscing about the past while thoroughly enjoying the present
realizing that life isn't about money
that frosh orientation when you 1st meet so many people who become your friends but most importantly
realizing that i found a family
knowing that i will always have my kababayan family

so there was many tears all around last night. that list doesn't even do justice to the memories that were made with all those people. pgrad was tears, laughs, and most importantly a celebration that we have finally graduated or at least some of us have. gluck to everyone with a summer session, fall, and winter quarter left. the best education that i got here was from these people and i can gladly say i made the most of my college experience.

although college wasn't entirely about kaba and there are so many other people that made it worth while, most of you all know that kaba was a big part of my life.

damn....

part ii...off to play in la

a quick change at mike's pad and it was off to la to check out popcorn at the el cid. me, the hu, and mike were quite hangry when we got to la so a quick hop to yoshinoya and a chicken bowl later and i was good. i realized that i grew up around that neighborhood. i used to go up there when i was a kid and eat at the mami king on sunset. this was the time where pilipino stuff wasn't in abundance in the valley. so me and my 'rents would make frequent trips to la to go shopping [hollytron man], eat [hmmm mami king], and wait for eternity for my mom and aunties to get their hair did from their bakla.

talagang crazy meng

popcorn was aiite. the 45king didn't seem to be playing 45s. what was the deal there?? but i was quite in the fantastic mood. my graduation drink of choice : the apply martini had taken full effect on me. the night consisted of enjoying the non45 set, sippin on my martini, and LAUGHING. now you may ask, "why elaine were you laughing???" well a white girl there was damn doing ballet, some mid30something was busting a not all the way electric slide, mr. wedding singer was feeling that music and swaying like a white boy could. mr. black hoodie who would just FEEL that music. some guy was rockin the running man...and i know i do that too sometimes, but he was SERIOUS. come on guy...the running man? wtf. i dont wanna say that me and my friends are the greatest of dancers, but shit...we don't bust ballet! and come on now most of my ppls are filipino and you know its rhythm is only natural haha and the ppls who aren't filipino they shake that ass on beat too! so really...the night was quite entertaining. i wish i had a camera so i could have the memories on film.

later on that evening we [me, mike, d.hu, eros, eros' cousin and his gf] looked for a place to munch. swingers had a 30min wait so canter's it was. was seated in the back. the place was pretty poppin. an escalade stretch limo was in the front. there was a quasi celeb in the house. some comedian ron sheldon i think. had a sitcom a while back. on comedy central a lot. had the canter's reuben [debby my drunk food!] and half of mike's matza ball soup. i was the butt of the joke with my animal planet knowledge about turkeys. so eros had a turkey sammich and i was sayin how sad it is that turkeys have no defense but the trictophane [i know i spelled that shit wrong] and how when a wolf attacks it'll pass out and all the other turkeys would be able to runaway. so basically turkey=sleep and eros should be concerned for the long ride home. so that didn't get conveyed across. mostly the fact that i knew such an oddity was the focus of their attn. so thank you mike and eros' for clowin me on that shit. i was just lookin out...stupid turkeys and their trictophane...

so that was my evening. quite eventful ifyou ask me. i got a total of iono 3 hours of sleep bc we got back late and stayed up talking and stuff.

graduation is today at 5pm followed by dinner with my fams at macaroni grille. if you can friendsters come out to the graduation. i'll be the one sleeping on mike's shoulder with the 'I <3 MY FRIENDSTERS" on my cap haha

 
damn you eddie murphy

this song is stuck in my head...dont know why, dont know how it got there

FUCK!


my girl wants to...
PARTY ALL THE TIME
PARTY ALL THE TIME
PARTY ALL THE TI-IME

my girl wants to...
....


FUCK!

damn you eddie murphy

 
i officially am finished with finals....

real world here i come
=/

 
crisis intervention

damn graduation coming round the corner. i just can't stop the waterworks now!

i went off on some stuff like my politics and opinions on the activist pov. sarah knows how i feel about those things. and well i kinda just started to be all emotional and the waterworks started to poor. = / i think i was just angry that i feel like a lot of people have been disappointed in me bc my politics dont exactly follow suit to their politics. i am not the radical left, nor the radical right.

what caused the waterworks was what kills me is that i dont understand how people who are supposed to be so close to me can be disappointed in me bc my politics never were as left as they should be. its something that i've harbored for quite some time. i believe what i believe and i take everyones opinion with a grain of salt. i try my best not to make anyone feel stupid for their own opinions bc i respect the fact that those are their opinions. it just seemed that so many bridges were burned bc of that. fuck politics aside many of us can still be friends. it just feels immature when people can't be friends bc of politics. so i guess what i'm saying is that i was made to feel stupid bc of what i believed in.

my gripe...if activists are supposed to be working for such a good cause how can they be the most judgmental of people? the world sucks no shit. i believe that sweat shop labor is horrible, but don't look at me with your nose up bc i step foot in a forever 21. did you every think i was going in to laugh at the hideousness of the store? of the clothes? of the obnoxious music? a&f printed extremely racist shirts towards asian americans...did i go to the protest...no. do i still purchase or wear any a&f type of gear? absolutely not. there's other ways of agreeing with a cause.

i worked in the community in the past. with people who did the work bc they believed in the cause. we weren't all loud about it. we didn't take any credit. we simply did it. i can drop names as to the names i know in the activist circles, but i won't. i can give a who's who of academia that i met, but what would be the point?

don't fuckin turn your nose up at me bc i show up to a spoken word show or hip hop event and i'm not wearing brown, taupe, beige, or camel. excuse me if believe in a variation of colors in my wardrobe.

......

i guess what it boils down to is sometimes it feels like we are all sheep. even the ones who look down on "sheep" take on sheep like qualities. they all begin to act, dress, speak alike...just like the people they refuse to know.

bah...

enough of that crap....


talent in numbers

on a totally and completely different tangent..

i'm virtually amazed at the amount of talented people that i have met in my lifetime. there are so many singers, writers, painters, dancers, beat makers, scratchers, musicians that i have met throughout my years here.

i can not believe that i was blessed to hear:
rex /em/ mel d/ bee/ mish [bee's roomate] / 3rd ave / and so many others... sing and give me goosebumps

i can not believe that i was blessed to read/hear the works of:
the fivestar crew.nic ramos.mike nailat.alex tagle.jaye sunga.andy lin.gary logan. and so many other people...and realize that there are words to be written everywhere

i can not believe that i was blessed to witness:
jp/alex/tubo/barry/raul/bob/j9/gary/april/mike/jason/karen/jia/kyle/cio/hah all of kaba modern/my cousin charlie
dance like they loved it

hmm i guess i feel blessed to be allowed to see talent in its finest hour, when we're just hanging out, feeling whatever it is we're doing, and doing it bc we love it

 
things were all so simple then...

so i'm quite delirious from my being up really late and then taking my last final ever [or at least until i go to grad school] this morning and then proceeded to go to curry house with mike.

after what has occured i realize things were all so simple then...

then being the sooo way back when

when i wasn't all crazed with the fact that i can't beat this one section of golden sun. and i rave and rant like a sad rpg gamer. omg wtf happened to me. i used to make fun of ppl like me. jebus

oh and then my big ol'gripe right now is this...

where's my invitation to things now? i guess its just expected that i'll roll up to everything with mr. sassy. but seriously folks when did i go from homie to a homies girl?

bc i know according to delius i was never a breezy and i fell into that homie category. but all of a sudden i'm gettin treated like the homie's girl and not the homie?! what's going on here man.

i'm so used to being the only female in a group of males and just kickin it, talkin shit like errryone else so i'm confus-ed. perhaps i did break some unsaid rule about not hookin up with a homegirl, but crap i was in brown sugar situation and as queen latifah said to sanaa "why not? you get the buddy and the booty?!"


oh jebus cripes i'm hittin delirious stage infinity huh?

no more no more gripes
i really shouldnt be complainin since the stuff thats goin on i can never go to bc i'm hella busy with workin on av crap, damn housing job! the things you do to not pay rent for a schoolyear

i'm gonna rest

blah

 
ewwwww

abbyuci: mmm
abbyuci: i bought cookies and corn
abbyuci: ha
UCcloud9: eww
UCcloud9: cookies and corn
UCcloud9: that sounds sick
abbyuci: not to eat together weirdo
UCcloud9: RIGHT

oh sweet jesus

why oh why dear jebus do i put myself in such hilarious situations??

so i've got my music blairing in my ears as i stare at my screen attempting to write a paper for my shithole of a class with my crappy wanna be south asian euroamerican professor. i look up to see mike's full name on the dry erase board and the name heard. i turn to mike who's sittin right next to me and ask, "why'd you write your name on the board?" as to which emil, jay, and eileen all turn to laugh at me. oh yeah...my musics playin a bit too loud. and my question loudly interrupted the silence of studying. damn i'm strange.

[update227am]

hahahah 227 like the show ... get it? anyone get it???

alex bought me coffee and let me smoke two of his cigarillos. thanks buddy. that helped very much. i'm quit delirious at themoment. its 228 am now. have my espanol 2c final manana and i havent really studied. and really...its multiple choice. i dont really care. i will pass that class for sure. but i still gotta get amina, my bestest ta ever in the entire world, a present. she was totally rad and gave us cookies and cupcakes when it was our birthdays. i'm gonna be so sad to not have her mon-thurs and see her smiling face. better buy her something sweet tomorrow before the final.

still trying to write this dumbass paper. so i figured that around 1000 words will equal 7 pages will equal me being done with that stupid class. damn i need to pull 600 more words outta my ass. i'm at 467words at the moment.

blah...alas back to the grind
for one more time
bc in two days
i will probably blaze
and laugh and cry
and heave a sigh
bc my college dream will soon be over
and the real world will not be a game of red rover
so in two days i take the plunge
and i'll fall deep so deep its like a lunge
into the sea of a dreary real world story
but not like the kind of real world mtv stature
the kind where i'm working 9-5 is a blur
but at least i wont have to pay rent
for alas my ends will be going to all my credit card bills that ive spent
and probably the 25000 i've got in loans
paying that shit is gonna make me moan
but hopefully i'll be able to have some fun
bc i wont have to worry about a professor pondering if my final is done
so i'll aimlessly roam la looking for spots
you know those places that play jazz funk and hip hop
a place where i can sit and relax on my own
or with friends that feel like home
where djs spin that fantastic vinyl
and nothing feels more precious than the vibrations of the walls yo
and then proceed to get some late night eats
a pizza a steak a cup of coffee
only to proceed to the drive home
and fall asleep in my bed, sadly all alone
bc my love my hip hop is far away
but i'll live to see him another day
another night another spot
and i'll dance with the love of my life you know his name
hiphop

ok ok.....delirium
back to life back to reality...

 
this is gonna be a weird one...

ready? let's begin

so i wake up early this morning to take shit...you know that morning shit that everyone's gotta do in the morning [and no i do not look at my shit when i'm done bc i usually flush while i'm still sittin on porcelain so by the time i get up my mr. hanky poo is already half way down to the santa monica beach] well as i was saying...i wake up to take a shit and i decide to check my email first...mr. hanky poo isn't beckoning too much just yet. and then jevon im's me about pgrad, sarah's up gettin ready for her interview, and mikey's bored at work. all before 10am gosh darnit! i finally got to drop my kids off at the pool [and by pool i mean toilet and by kids i mean shit] and feel sooo much better.

so sitting on the toilet i just realized that i have only ONE ROLL of toilet paper left. and really...i dont wanna get more bc i'm moving out next week. so i'm gonna try and do what i can and not buy toilet paper. bc what would be the point? my house back home has the costco size bag [which has like what? 24 48 72??? rolls of toilet paper] why should i buy more when i know i'm moving back to a place with an ample supply.

and i've been doing this with a lot of things. like my shampoo...it's gonna last god damnit. toothpaste-fuck already using the travel one i keep for trips! pads? [guys dont freak out, be happy i didnt say tampons] got my supply of those at the ready... i guess its my way of unplugging from this room. i dont want to purchase any more "abubuts" as my mom and dad would say. i swear thats a word man. in tagalog or visayan its a word.

oh and for some reason i like to put the suffix -ng on some words when i'm on aim. like mang or meng or dang or deng...i guess by adding the suffix your conversation has a filipino accent? i guess..who knows

berto's journal had a question whether or not when you read them do you here the person's voice? yup. all the time. but its kinda faint bc its battling with all the other voices in my head. oh please not like i'm crazy but i just think of all the people that we all know. for example when i read sherwin's journal, i think of all those people who would be clowin him while readin it. when i read berto's i think of rozanno being a room away singing rent tunes or smoking a yo. y'alls feel me on that?

oh and dear god almighty [i haven't seen bruce almighty so stop with the references] there's nothing more pleasurable then freshly shaven legs. ok ok so i get lazy in that dept and it grows out pretty long but my legs or so ashy no one ever seems to notice. and well the feeling of freshly shaved legs is sooooo great. and i know some of you guys know this. you ballers out there! and i guess those commercials about shave creams just dont work on me. i personally dont own shaving cream. i just use a razor and hot water. those shits are expensive and really soap will do the trick if ya need it. but hot water and a razor that'll do for me. now cold water and a razor, you gotta be crazy! freakin the guys in the dirty dozen chose not to shave than shave with cold water! but then again they refused an order from their drill sargent and were forced to not take baths for a while making them really...the dirty dozen.

and who was surprised that i could recall the word suffix at 932 am? damn i am learn-ed!

dirty dozen...makes me think of sleepless in seattle when victor garbo [is that really his name?] and tom hanks are making fun of rita hayworth for going all teary eyed on an affair to remember. "and when trini lopez throws that grenade...but his parachute won't open?! OOOHHH TRINI LOPEZ! i love that movie" yeah yeah i watche it a lot. i'm a sucker for romantic movies so sue me.

but back to dirty dozen...did anyone elses dad make them watch old war or western movies with them bc they were the only things on ktla, kcop [upn my ass!], and the tbs "superstation." i remember gettin stuck watchin a plethora of charles bronson death wish, john wayne western's, chuck norris delta force...fuck all those movies. no wonder i'm so desensitized from violence i was watchind bloodsport when i was 8! and EVERYONE loves that freakin bloodsport. bolo kickin ass. jean claude van damme, the muscles from brussels!, kickin ass BLIND. HE WAS BLINDED god damn. thats the 80s for ya. i love the 80s shoulda covered that movie. that was the shit.

ok enough of this strange blog. i gotta get back to my other addiction...friendster. ah yes friendster. if i were to make drug analogies. blogger or xanga is like that first joint, blunt, toke outta a bong, hit outta a pipe that gets you hooked on weed. and then friendster...well that's just like that one step up to smack or heroin. they were right damn you weed! you are a gateway drug! just say no folks...just say no

peace

 
summer reading list

instead of reading for my final at 4pm this afternoon. i spent the entire morning reading the nanny diaires, which is a great book btw. it makes me despise neglectful parents even more than i already do.

but...now i've already taken one book off my summer reading list. harry potter comes out on the 20th, and then what else is there for me??? crap.

i keep finding more ways to procrastinate and it is quite bothersome that friendster has been down a lot lately...

maybe i'll just get back to studying then...

 
a vision of nerdom...


so i've got one final down and three more to go. i think i did ok in stats. i will graduate!!! *cross your fingers* or maybe say a prayer. so now i'm studying for asian am public health. reading the reader while listening to music of course. i was listening to bill evans' finest hour...great jazz cd. and then i attempted to study to lauryn hill unplugged...but then i fell upon the a walk to remember soundtrack. this cd makes me think of bee and melissa dimalanta. its very soft rock and i always think of kost which leads me to think of bee and mel d. also i love the movie a walk to remember. i can remember how all the ra's and myself fell in love with this movie. SO CUTE! the soundtrack is also full of mandy moore. which led me to going onto her xanga site which i found on rozanno's xanga site. and then i came to the conclusion that yeah...i like mandy moore. white girl who can sing. she isn't all britneyfied or christina aguilerad but hey she hangs out with the osbournes and she can carry a tune. its not like she sounds shitty or what not. something i noticed in her songs that it sounds like she has a natural vabratto [sp?] something that i hardly hear anymore. it either sounds forced [whitney houston does it a lot] or just overdone [beyonce and christina or xtina do that] so yeah mandy doesn't over do it. mandy's like the soft pop rock style i grew up with. its good times.

ok yeah so im a nerd....but there must be someone else out there who knows what i'm talking about right?

oh well back to studying...

[update 138am]

ewwwwww
so i got this link from mike that he got from eros
it looked like a nipple with a gigantic wart on it. it seriously looked like a freakin honeycomb with eggs in it on this nipple. **shudder** i can't study anymore it freakin grossed me out

 
boo

i've been studying stats for 3 days straight. this has gotta help me out now. i have to pass this class. there is no way i can fail. i will not fail and not graduate. i will graduate.

i had my breakdown of tears and sadness earlier today. i freakin hate this quarter. i wish i could do it all differently, but hey thats life and its how we learn now isn't it.

this weekend consisted of duty which forced me to study study and study some more. which was a good thing. i'm gaining some confidence, but i dont wanna jinx it and say yeah i'm prepared...bc i know i'm not.

my breaks from studying have included friendster/craigslist/and jobtrack. i'm trying to send out as many resumes as i can, so i can findme a jobby job.

i'm also looking into grad schools again. bc of the situation at home i gotta look local csun looks like it has something i'm interested in. a masters of science in higher education. so its geared towards people who want an entry level career in the student affairs. and thats me! haha so hopefully i'll study and get a kick ass score on the gre's so i can get into that program. man that'd be nice

you know what'd be nicer...finding a job.

i dunno. it just seems like this is the shittiest jobmarket ever. is it bc i'm finally graduating that i notice it or is it really shitty? the economy is in such a slump that its freakin me out. not having health benefits ... freakin me out. stupid bush as president...freakin me out.

bah...
back to studying

 
to...

we'll be alright

i love you


14 days...